Coming Home
by NettieC
Summary: After being injured while away on assignment, Harm returns home and he and Mac find themselves dealing with the repercussions of his significant injuries.
1. Chapter 1

AN: this is a 5 chapter story which forms the first instalment to a new storyline. I'm not sure when the next one will be written but I will post it under this same story title.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to let you know that earlier this month, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. Molly is absolutely adorable and definitely the centre of the new world I find myself living in.

Coming Home Part 1/5

Standing in the international arrivals area of Dulles Airport, Mac was experiencing all kinds of nervous energy as she searched the incoming passengers for the one face she was desperate to see. Despite his words, designed to reassure her, Mac knew she wouldn't be looking for a face above the crowd. Her 6'4 partner would be coming off the plane in a wheelchair, something she knew he would hate but was necessary, given the circumstances.

Seven months ago, just weeks into their new romantic relationship, Harm had been reassigned to a base in Germany. His position was to be temporary as the legal department, and the role he was stepping into, was being disbanded. The incumbent had been killed when he went to Afghanistan as part of what was to be his last investigation, one which involved a highly decorated pilot and an inexplicable accident. The senior officer in charge of the post had been accompanying him and had also been killed, leaving a huge gap for Harm to fill.

And fill it he did. Spending the first five months away, Harm concluded the aviator case with a win, cleaned up and finalised other outstanding cases before overseeing the closure of the unit. Busy as ever, Harm still managed to make two calls stateside each day, one when he woke and the other before bed.

For her part, Mac had also made two calls a day on the same schedule. When the odds were in their favour they spoke four times a day. Alas, as was par for the course, most often they didn't speak at all, resorting to long and rambling messages on answering machines. As busy as they both were, Mac had managed to make one trip to see him, surprising Harm in his office in the third month of his assignment.

It had only been a three day visit, and for most of it there was only the two of them and the four walls of Harm's bedroom, still it was better than nothing and something they both desperately wanted. Separating after those three days had been harder than his initial departure and both had been counting down the days until he was to return home.

Five weeks ago, Harm was homeward bound. Organised, packed and very excited, Harm was on his way to Berlin Brandenburg Airport when his driver had a cardiac arrest at the wheel and inadvertently drove them into the back of another car, causing a concertina effect. A large semi, which had been travelling at speed, couldn't avoid the mess and cannoned into the back of them causing more damage still.

The end result was there had been three people killed, four, including Harm, critically injured and at least a dozen transported to various hospitals for treatment. The first Mac had known of it was eight hours later when Harm had a nurse phone her to let her know he wouldn't be on the flight. Unable to fly out herself, Mac had phoned Harm's parents and they had landed in Germany on the first possible flight.

It took countless calls back and forth before Mac was reassured that Harm was well on the road to recovery and, despite his ongoing hospitalisation, he would make a full recovery. Three weeks into that recovery, Mac had made plans to fly to him only to be dissuaded by Harm and the information that his discharge was imminent and he didn't want her to fly across only to have to fly back with him.

Alas, Harm developed an infection and his discharge was delayed and it was Frank who had the job of informing Mac of the change of plans. Having cancelled her leave, she was unable to then fly out and this distressed her more by the hour.

Now, standing in the arrivals area, Mac's energy was at its crescendo. Without the aid of caffeine she felt as if she was jumping out of her skin and that her heart was racing a million miles an hour. Finally, when there was a lull in passengers appearing, she saw him. Except for the fact he was in a wheelchair, there was little evidence he was injured. Being pushed by a tall lieutenant, Harm indicated for him to stop as Mac ran over to them.

Gingerly, Harm stood and grinned when Mac appeared in front of him.

"It is so good to see you, gorgeous," he whispered, raising a hand to caress her face.

"You too," she replied tearfully. "Welcome home." Her hands itched as they stayed by her side.

"You can touch me," he said, holding his arms open for her.

"Are you sure I won't hurt you?" she asked, her eyes still fixed on his.

"You could never hurt me," he replied, taking a tentative step forward and wrapping her in his arms. "Do you know how much I love you and how much I've missed you?" he whispered before kissing her head and inhaling the familiar scent of her shampoo.

"As much as I love and have missed you," she replied before brushing her lips against his and gently kissing him.

All too soon the kiss was over and the lieutenant helped Harm sit once more.

"Mac, this is Lieutenant Mark Evans," he said by way of introductions. "Lieutenant, Colonel Sarah MacKenzie."

"Ma'am, nice to meet you," he said coming to attention.

"At ease, at ease," she said, waving away the gesture. "I want to thank you for accompanying Harm home."

"It was an honour, ma'am," he replied, with a quick nod of the head.

Mark was a nurse stationed at the military hospital in Germany. After being there for a year, he was returning home and, after looking after Harm during the latter days of his hospitalisation, had volunteered to escort him, DC being his home too.

When Harm was settled in the chair once more, Mark went to pick up Harm's bag.

"Would that little welcome home committee be for you, Lieutenant?" Harm asked pointing over to a young boy and his mother watching excitedly.

Mark's face lit up. "It is but I did tell them not to come...that I needed to get you to Bethesda first."

"Go!" said Harm.

Not needing further prompting, Mark dropped the bag and headed towards his patient family. It didn't take long for his five-year-old son to sprint to his father. "Daddy!" he screamed before jumping into his daddy's arms.

With Harm's nurse otherwise occupied, Mac took the opportunity to kiss him one more time. "So, we're headed to Bethesda," she said quietly as she caressed his face.

"Not if I can talk my way out of it," he whispered in reply while stealing a glance at what Mark was doing.

"Are you expected at the hospital?" she questioned, using her hand to ensure he looked at her.

"Yes, but it was just precautionary and I'm feeling well. I just want you to take me home," he said sincerely, as his blue eyes pooled with tears. "I've had enough of being away from you."

"Honey, I want nothing more than to take you home and look after you, to hold you and kiss you...but I want to make sure you're okay...really okay," she said, her voice quiet but pleading.

"Mac, honestly, I'm good...nothing a good night sleep curled up with you won't fix," he said with a wink, desperately hoping to get her onside. He couldn't face another night in another hospital.

"Harm..." she started slowly but he was over their separation, his injuries, everything.

"No, please don't 'Harmmmm' me," he whispered tearfully. "Just take me home ...please...please..."

Against her better judgement, Mac nodded; how could she refuse?

Mark brought his family across and introduced everyone and just as he was about to say they needed to go to Bethesda Mac intervened.

"Lieutenant, thank you so much for bringing Harm home," she said, resting a hand on his arm. "We both really appreciate it. Now, it's time for you to go home with your family and I'll take him to Bethesda." Harm's eyes widened – hadn't she just agreed not to?

"I appreciate that, Colonel, but..." he started before his son tugged on his hand.

"Daddy, does that mean we can go home and play ball?" he asked wide eyed. "'Cos I've missed playing with you so much."

"That's exactly what it means, Kieran," Mac answered. "Your daddy has done his duty and he can go play ball."

"Thank you, ma'am," he said coming to attention once more. "Here are the Commander's medical records..."

It wasn't long before the farewells had been completed and Mac was wheeling Harm to the car, his seabag across his lap.

Not wanting to push Harm through the endless rows of the car park, Mac scanned the area for the best place to leave him so she could go and get the car.

"Will you be alright if I leave you here and get the car?" she asked, coming to stand by his side.

"I can walk from..." he started but Mac shook her head.

"Not an option, sailor," she interrupted.

"Ma'am, sir," said a sky captain moving closer to them. "It would be my honour to wait with the commander while you get the car, ma'am."

Mac looked at Harm and he nodded. "I can't get up to any mischief, Mac," he said with a smile.

"I'll keep him on the straight and narrow, ma'am," the man replied with a grin.

With a little more reassurance, Mac left to retrieve the car.

"You must have been a military man," Harm said to the older gentleman; after all very few civilians could identify ranks.

"Yes, sir," he replied. "A flyer just like you."

"Really?" Harm asked, turning in his chair.

"Yes, sir," he said proudly before filling Harm in on his own military service and love of all things flight.

As Mac pulled up in front of them, the man slipped Harm his business card. "Any time you feel like a chat give me a call," he said with a smile. "I can show you my Stearman."

"You have a Stearman too?" Harm asked surprised.

"It's the love of my life," he said with a laugh. "Just don't tell my wife!"

"I won't, Joe. It was great meeting you."

It took a few long minutes for Harm to stand and get into their car and Mac helped him settle into his seat as Joe placed the seabag in the trunk before taking the wheelchair, assuring them he'd return it.

As they pulled out into traffic, Harm rested his head on the back of the seat and closed his eyes.

"Are you okay?" Mac asked, reaching over and gently touching his leg.

"Just tired," he replied without opening his eyes.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take you to Bethesda? Just for a quick check-up?" she asked, eager to take him home but wanting to ensure he was really as well as he was saying he was.

"Positive, gorgeous," he said with a smile before opening his eyes. "I just want to go home."

"Home as in your place or mine?" she questioned, knowing he couldn't really manage by himself just yet.

"Mine," he replied turning his head to look at her. "I don't think I'd manage the stairs at your building...Can you stay with me?"

"Of course," she said. "I was staying with you whether you wanted me to or not!"

"Best news I've heard in a long time," he said with a grin, though his tears weren't far away. He was desperately hoping it wouldn't be too long before they share the same domicile permanently.

A few minutes later, Harm had drifted off despite his protests that he wasn't all that tired. It wasn't until Mac had parked the car at his building and had opened his door that he woke.

"You're finally home," Mac said, propping herself on the edge of his seat before leaning forward and kissing his head. "You feel hot."

"I'm okay," he said slowly, not too sure whether he was or not.

"Well, let's get you upstairs and settled in," she said, unlatching his seatbelt before standing up.

Mac waited for a minute, as patiently as she could, watching Harm shift in his seat without making any real move to get out.

"Harm, do you need a hand?" she questioned leaning back down.

"Um..." he said before looking up at her, his blue eyes shining with unshed tears.

"What is it, honey?" she asked, sitting back on the edge of his seat once more.

"I think I need to go to Bethesda," he said sadly and Mac knew it was killing him to admit it.

"Then that's where we'll go," she replied, kissing him briefly before caressing his face.

"But look how close I am to being home," he said as a tear slipped down his cheek.

"I know, Harm," she whispered before kissing him once more. "And I'm desperate to have you home but I'd rather have you well first."

Three hours later, Mac slipped into bed alongside Harm and wrapped him in her arms. Unfortunately, for them both, it was an uncomfortable hospital bed and not Harm's spacious king sized bed in his loft.

"Ssh," she whispered, kissing his head. "You'll be in your own bed soon enough."

Harm just sniffled trying to keep his tears at bay once more. It concerned them both that he was so emotional; it just wasn't like him. Still, Mac chose not to mention his current state and focus on the positives.

"I love you so much," she said, kissing his forehead. "And I've missed you very, very much."

"Love you and missed you too," he replied holding onto her a little tighter.

"Can't believe it's been four months since I've been able to lie with you and hold you and kiss you," she whispered, drawing his face up to hers. "I've missed just being able to reach out and touch you any time I like."

"Me too," he replied reaching up to brush her hair from her face. "Just wish we had a little more privacy."

"Well, the doctor said you'd only be here 24 hours," she said. "Enough time to have the antibiotics kick in and start fixing up the infection you have developed. Then, we get to go home and have all the privacy we desire."

"Until you have to go back to work on Monday," he said, closing his eyes once more.

"I'm not going to work on Monday," she said quietly and Harm's eyes opened once more.

"You're not going back tomorrow, are you?" he said quickly, trying to sit up.

"No, no," she said just as quickly. "I have taken the next six weeks off."

"Six weeks? Why?" he said surprised, she hadn't mentioned it in all their phone conversations or emails.

"Well, first I have to get you well," she said, caressing his face. "Then I have to take you away for an intimate getaway."

"Ooh," he said with a grin. "That sounds like a good plan."

"I thought so," she replied before kissing him, softly at first but it soon deepened as the desire for each other escalated.

It was a nurse coming into the room which interrupted them and Mac just smiled at Harm as the nurse went about her duties.

"Ma'am," said the nurse. "Visiting hours are..."

"Don't finish that sentence!" Harm yelled. "We've already been through this. Read the damn notes!"

Quickly the nurse scanned the chart and saw an earlier entry which stated that 'for the patient's ongoing cooperation and recovery, it will be necessary to allow his partner to remain with him during this admission'.

It was the admitting doctor which had made the entry after Harm made it clear to everyone within earshot that he wouldn't be staying if Mac couldn't.

"My apologies, ma'am," she said, looking to Mac. "Is there anything you need?"

"No, thank you," Mac said sympathetically. The young woman was only trying to follow procedure and wasn't to know that Harm was being so difficult at the moment.

Once the nurse had gone and Harm was sure Mac wasn't going anywhere, he closed his eyes once more and sighed deeply. "Sorry," he said, his eyes still closed. "I'm not myself at the moment."

"I can tell," Mac whispered in reply before stroking his face. "What's going on?"

"No idea," he replied a tear rolling down the side of his face. Gently, Mac wiped it away.

"Were you like this in the hospital in Berlin?" she asked her hand still on his face.

"Not really," he replied. "At least I don't think so..." He opened his eyes once more. "I just feel really off-kilter."

"Why didn't you tell the doctor earlier?" she asked, her eyes locked with his.

"Because..." he started before not knowing what else to say.

"Because..." Mac prompted gently.

"I don't know," he admitted. "I'm hoping it's jetlag."

"Maybe it is," she said, kissing his forehead. "How about you get some sleep and we'll see how you are in the morning?"

Harm agreed and then, safe in Mac's arms, drifted off to sleep.

When Mac was assured he was well and truly asleep, she unwound herself from Harm and slid from the bed, making sure to arrange the pillows with her sweater on them to convince him she was still with him. Stretching first, she used his bathroom before grabbing her cell and texting his parents.

Trish and Frank had stayed on in Europe and Mac wasn't sure exactly where they would be or the time of day for them. So, she sent a text to both their phones which simply said 'Harm's home – please call my cell when you have a chance'.

Checking Harm was still asleep, Mac ventured into the corridor hoping to find something appetising in the vending machines she had spied upon arrival. It took her a few minutes to purchase and collect a supply of candy and drinks before she returned to the room to find Harm muttering in his sleep.

"Shh, shh," she soothed, leaning over and kissing him. "It's okay, honey. You're okay."

A few kisses, caresses and soothing words later Harm was sleeping peacefully once more. Propping herself on the edge of the bed, Mac opened a bottle of 7Up before tearing the wrapper of a Mars Bar. One sip and one bite later her cell buzzed and she scooped it up.

"Hey, Frank," she said, easing off the bed and moving to stand in the doorway, hoping not to disturb Harm.

"Hello, Sarah," he replied. "How's the patient?"

"Home," she said with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked in a fatherly tone. "And before you say nothing, if Harm was fine he would have been the one to call."

"Can't fool you, can I?" she said with a small laugh. "Harm's in Bethesda, he developed an infection and really wasn't feeling well."

"We thought that may happen," Frank replied. "How is he coping with another hospitalisation? He wasn't impressed at being in hospital in Germany."

"Hating it," Mac said honestly. "Look," she said hesitantly, her eyes fixed on Harm. "I need to ask you something about Harm's time in hospital over there..."

"Go ahead, Sarah," he said when Mac had paused a little too long.

"How was he, really?" she whispered, her eyes welling with tears.

"He was in pain from the internal injuries and the injuries to his left leg and hip..." he said. "But we told you all of that."

"Oh, I know," she said with a nod. "But I didn't mean his physical injuries...how was he...in himself?"

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked, not really understanding where she was headed.

"Harm's just not himself. He's very emotional, very clingy...he's only staying in hospital because I'm staying here with him..." she said, wiping away her tears as they fell.

"He was more emotional in hospital than we are used to seeing as well but he was missing you dreadfully," Frank said quietly. "He was unwell, in pain and desperately homesick. Trish spoke to the doctor and he just said it wasn't unusual in the circumstances. Do you think it's something else?"

"I don't know," she replied. "He has an infection, he is jetlagged but I've seen him when he was in worse condition and he wasn't like this. Even he says he feels 'off-kilter'."

"If you're not happy with what you're seeing and Harm is willing to admit he isn't feeling right, then please speak to his doctor," Frank pleaded, knowing Harm rarely admitted he was suffering from any ailment. "And then call us back any time of the day or night and let us know. We're in Spain at the moment but we could be there within a day if necessary."

Mac nodded before remembering she had to speak. "Okay, it's late here so it will be sometime tomorrow when I can speak to his doctor but I'll definitely let you know what happens."

After a few words of farewell, Mac closed her phone, sat back on the bed and resumed her midnight snack, her eyes never leaving Harm's face.

Commander Jonas Johnstone, who had been Harm's admitting doctor, entered the room at 0645 and Mac was awake. In the early morning hush of the room, Mac slid from the bed and disclosed her thoughts, concerns and the contents of the phone call with Frank. Commander Johnstone made some notes and promised he would investigate things further before he returned later in the day.

By the time Harm awoke, Mac was using his bathroom and he looked around the room for her. Not seeing her anywhere, his tears started once more and he cursed himself for not being able to control his emotions better. When he heard the bathroom door unlock, he slid further into his bed and pulled the covers onto his face, hoping Mac wouldn't realise he was crying yet again.

It took her a few minutes before Mac did realise something was amiss and gently pulled the bedcovers down. When she was met with resistance, she realised Harm was hiding from her. Rather than question him, Mac simply kissed his head, stroked his hair and told him she loved him. This was enough to have Harm surrender and he slipped his arms out from beneath the covers and wrapped them around the love of his life. Right now, when nothing seemed quite right, he needed Mac far more than he wanted her and that was saying something.

"You're okay," she whispered as she fell into his embrace. "I'm right here."

"Love you," he whispered back. "So glad you're here."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else," she soothed, kissing his cheek. "It's okay," she said gently once more as she wiped away the tear rolling down his cheek.

"This is so embarrassing," he said, his cheeks flushing.

"What is, honey?" she questioned, ducking her head to maintain eye contact.

"Me...the crying...I just can't seem to help it," he admitted sheepishly.

"Did you feel this way in Germany...in the hospital ...or was it just when you came back?" she questioned gently, her hand running up and down his leg as she spoke.

"I was feeling this way over there after the accident," he confessed, his eyes darting around the room.

"Did you speak to the doctor about it?" she asked, her ministrations never ceasing.

"Nope," he said with a shake of the head.

"Why not?" she asked, using her hand to raise his face to hers.

"Because I don't think being a cry-baby is a medical condition," he said, his eyes tearing up once more.

"I don't think you're being a cry-baby," she said before leaning forward and kissing him. "I think it might have something to do with the accident."

"Tear ducts are not often injured in accidents," he said, with a sigh.

"No, they're not and it's not what I was thinking," she clarified. "I was thinking more along the lines of a head injury."

"You think I'm brain damaged?" he asked incredulously, his eyes widening.

"No, no, no. Nothing like that," she reassured, caressing his face. "I just know there is supposedly a link between head injuries and changes in behaviour. You've had your share of head knocks over the years and I just thought that maybe it's a reason for you feeling 'off-kilter'," she added, using his choice of words.

Harm just shrugged; he hadn't considered it. He didn't think it was the reason but then again he couldn't explain it any other way. All he knew was that he was sad, overly emotional and embarrassed.

As Mac went to speak once more, Harm's breakfast tray was brought in and she slid from the bed.

"Thank you," she said to the man who brought it in. "Now, Harm, time for breakfast."

"Not hungry," he said looking at the tray. "You have it."

"No, you need to eat. You've been home 18 hours and have eaten nothing," she reminded him. "That's not going to help in your recovery."

"I said, I'm not hungry," he said a little more firmly, trying not to be rude.

"Well, I am," she said, ignoring his tone. "If you're not going to eat this then I might go..."

"No, no," he said, quickly sitting up. "I'll eat, I'll eat. Don't go!"

"Honey, I was only going to say I might go to the cafeteria and see if they had anything more appetising," she soothed. "That's all."

Harm didn't respond but made an attempt to eat his breakfast, all the while trying to fight his tears and not let on to Mac that he was upset.

"Hey, hey," she said, holding his hand when she saw it was shaking. "What is it?"

"Nothing," he said not looking up.

"Aw, Harm," she said with a sigh. She knew there was nothing more she could say or do to soothe him, so instead she just sat next t him and leaned her head against his shoulder.

Two hours later, Commander Johnstone returned and found Mac curled up asleep in Harm's arms. Looking up, Harm gave a half –hearted smile to his visitor and gestured for him to take a seat.

"How are you feeling this morning, Harm?" the doctor asked quietly.

"Okay," he said with a shrug.

"Your temperature's down," he said scanning his notes. "Looks like we got on top of that infection quickly."

"Looks like it," Harm agreed, focusing on Mac rather than his doctor.

"Harm, can you look at me, please?" Commander Johnstone said and waited for Harm to look up. "Physically, you seem to be recovering well. Can you tell me how you're doing emotionally?"

"Okay," he said, dropping his head once more.

"Harm," he said patiently and once again waited for Harm to look at him. "I know you're struggling at the moment. You don't feel yourself and are very quick to tears. Isn't that right?"

"Yes," he admitted quietly.

"Talk to me about how you're feeling?" the doctor prompted wanting to hear it in Harm's own words.

"I've missed her so much," he whispered, looking down at the sleeping form in his arms. "More than I ever thought possible."

"Was this the first time you've been separated?" he asked, his eyes never leaving Harm's face.

"No," he said with a shake of the head. "Well, yes, the first separation since we became a couple but no, as in we've been separated a lot of times since we first met a decade ago."

"So, do you think it may be because you're now in love with Sarah and in a relationship with her that the separation hit you harder than usual?" Commander Johnstone probed.

"No, not really," he whispered, his finger brushing back hair from her face. "To tell you the truth, we may have only been a couple for seven months but I've been in love with her for maybe four years now...so it's not new."

"Four years is a long time to be in love with someone and not in a relationship," he stated without judgment.

"I know," he agreed. "There were a lot of things at play though."

"Okay," he said with a nod. "So, what do you think is happening to make you so emotional at the moment?"

Harm gazed at Mac as he thought about his response and then finally looked up at his doctor. "I think I'm losing my mind."

Commander Johnstone gave him a small smile. "I don't think it's all that sinister, Harm."

"What do you think it is then?" Harm questioned, struggling to figure out which way was up these days.

"I think it's being caused by an injury to your brain," he said quietly. "I had the hospital in Germany send me images of your scans and tests results and compared them to the ones we have on record here from your previous hospitalisations...there is a shadow over the area that controls emotions and I think that's what's causing your responses."

"I have brain damage?" he asked slowly, not sure whether he wanted to hear the answer or not.

"You have an injury to your brain," the doctor clarified. "I don't think we can call it brain damage just yet."

"When do we?" Harm probed, his gaze back on Mac.

"I'm going to order some more tests and an MRI, which will be done over the course of this afternoon and in the morning," he said consulting his notes. "We'll compare it to the German tests. It's most likely that the shadow is fluid and that it will dissipate in its own time."

"And if it doesn't?" he asked, not wanting to think the worst but not in a state to think of anything else.

"Then we'll deal with that as it comes," he said, standing up and patting Harm's leg."For now, try and relax and take it easy. I know it's easier said than done."


	2. Chapter 2

AN: this is a 5 chapter story which forms the first instalment to a new storyline. I'm not sure when the next one will be written but I will post it under this same story title.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to let you know that I recently gave birth to the most beautiful baby girl. Molly is absolutely adorable and definitely the centre of the new world I find myself living in.

**Coming Home Part 2/5**

Not long after Commander Johnstone left, Mac stirred and Harm told her of the doctor's visit and what the plans were.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she asked sitting up.

"Because you were tired," he replied, his hand still on her back.

"Still," she said, "You could have woken me."

Harm nodded and watched as Mac climbed off the bed and started stretching, trying to release the kink in her neck.

"You okay?" he asked, watching her every move.

"Yeah," she replied with a smile. It was the first time he'd actually asked about someone or something else since his return. "Just a feeling a bit twisted."

Lunch was served and Harm ate little, the meal not at all appetising. Soon after a nurse came in to tell him that he would be going for the first of his tests shortly and an orderly would be coming to get him.

Knowing they only had a few more minutes together, Mac stood in front of Harm as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Listen," she said, running her hands over his chest and shoulders, joining them behind his neck. "I can't go with you for these tests, you know that don't you?" Harm nodded. "So, what I want to do is take this opportunity to go home, shower, change and come back ready to spend tonight here with you. Is that okay?"

While Harm nodded 'yes', Mac could see the concern in his eyes.

"I promise I will be as quick as possible," she said, leaning forward and kissing his head. "I'll probably be back before you."

Harm nodded once more.

"Is there something I can bring you back for dinner?" she asked, caressing his face. "Something you'll actually eat."

"Don't think so," he replied, not at all interested in food.

"There has to be something you missed while you were in Germany," she whispered.

"You!" he whispered in reply earning himself a soft kiss.

The soft kiss progressed and it wasn't until the orderly came in and gave a small cough they pulled apart.

"Okay," Mac said stroking his face. "You go behave yourself and I'll be back before you know it."

Harm nodded but said nothing. "Love you," she whispered, kissing him one more time.

With a delay in the radiology department, Mac was back in Harm's room minutes before he returned and she couldn't help but notice the immense look of relief on his face as he was wheeled into the room.

"Welcome back," she said, standing up to greet him and help him from the wheelchair. "How did it go?"

"Okay," he said with a shrug. "Will know the results tomorrow."

"Great," she said, "So now I can feed you."

"With what?" he asked looking around the room.

"A range of tasty delights from Sushi, Sushi, Sushi," she said with a smile.

"My favourite," he replied with a smile.

"I know," she said, helping him settle in the armchair.

"I'm not an invalid, you know," he said as she helped him adjust the pillow behind him.

"I know," she replied. "I just have this overwhelming desire to take care of you. You don't mind, do you?"

"No," he said. "Actually, I'm very thankful." Mac just smiled; she knew it took a lot for Harm to let anyone see him when he was vulnerable. The fact he was not only letting her take care of him but thanking her was something very new and testament to the fact he really wasn't himself.

Despite his earlier protest that he didn't want anything for dinner, Harm ate everything Mac had brought in and polished off the two bottles of juice and a can of soda as well. In the end, he'd eaten his share and most of Mac's as well but she didn't mind. She was just relieved to see him eating heartily.

In the morning, Harm awoke early and was surprised to find Mac was also awake.

"You watching me sleep?" he asked as she pushed herself up in the small space beside him.

"Yep," she said with a nod. "You were quite restless."

"Sorry," he said quickly. "This bed's not the most comfortable one I've ever slept in."

"Well, let's see if we can change that," Commander Johnstone said. "I'm sorry for the early morning intrusion but I thought I'd come and see you before I started my clinic for the day."

"Have you got the results from yesterday?" Harm asked and the doctor nodded. "And?"

"The MRI shows an increase in the shadow on the brain, as we discussed yesterday, but it is only a slight increase and most likely the result of your recent flight," he explained. "Your blood tests were fine but you will need to have those other tests this morning."

"Then what?" Mac asked, looking from Harm to the doctor.

"Well, I think what we might do is rerun all these tests on Friday," the Commander said. "My thinking is we'll see a reduction in the fluid and a settling of your emotions in that time."

Harm nodded but his face showed his concern about having to spend another five nights in hospital; he knew he couldn't really expect Mac to spend every night there.

"What I was also thinking," Commander Johnstone continued, "Was that after the tests this morning, that I may discharge you and have you come back Friday as an outpatient."

"Really?" Harm asked with a smile, it's the happiest both Mac and the doctor had seen him.

"Really," he confirmed. "You'll have to rest; nothing strenuous or physical..."

"I'll make sure of that," Mac said, very pleased at the turn of events.

"Not that I'm expecting it, but, if at any time things appear to deteriorate, you are to come straight back in," he said, looking directly at Harm.

Harm nodded; that was easy to agree to.

"Now, I expect you to go for the cognitive assessments about 0930, and I'll leave orders for you to be discharged after that," he said closing his folder.

"Thank you, Commander," Mac said, extending her had to shake the doctor's.

"My pleasure."

Once the doctor had departed, Mac slid down beside him once more.

"Finally," she said, caressing his face. "I get to take you home and have you all to myself."

"I was thinking the same thing," he replied before kissing her forehead.

"I packed a suitcase while I was home earlier so we don't have to stop on the way home," Mac said. The fact was she had packed it before she went to the airport, just in case he wanted to stay at his place and not hers.

"That's good," he replied, kissing her head once more.

"And while you are having your tests I'll do an online order for groceries so they can be delivered to your place tomorrow and I won't have to go out," Mac continued, loving the feel of his fingers in her hair.

"I'm sorry it's all about me monopolising your time," he said sadly, his eyes welling with tears.

"For the record," she said caressing his face."I hadn't planned on doing anything for the next six weeks that didn't see me with you every waking and sleeping moment...I missed you so very, very much."

Kissing him gently, Mac was surprised when Harm pulled back quickly. "I'm sorry I'm not allowed to do anything strenuous or physical," he said, quoting his doctor.

"I'm sorry about that too," she said with a soft smile. "But, as good as it will be to make love to you again, I am more than happy just to be able to touch you and kiss you and speak to you and see you any damn time I like."

Settled into the loft later that afternoon, Harm sat on the sofa as Mac lay along it, her head resting in his lap. Not a lot was being said as they drifted in and out of sleep, both just enjoying the fact it was just the two of them and they were home at last.

"Mac," Harm said quietly as her eyes fluttered opened once more.

"Yes," she replied, trying to focus on him from her upside down position. When his features became clearer, she could see the tear trails on his cheeks. Sitting up, she turned to face him. "Hey," she said, reaching across and caressing his face.

"Hey," he replied before reaching out and pulling her into his lap.

"You okay?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him closer.

"Yeah," he said with a slow drawl. He wasn't really okay but he wasn't any worse. He was just as miserable right now as he had been since his accident.

"Anything I can do?" she asked, raking her fingers through his hair.

"No idea," he replied, burying his face in her hair. He didn't know why he'd called her name and woken her; he had just had the compulsion to do so.

"Oh, Harm," she whispered, kissing his head and holding him tightly.

Entwined in the quietness of his apartment, Mac held onto Harm in the hope it would provide him with some level of comfort.

"I hate this, I really hate it," Harm said eventually, leaning his head back on the sofa. "I hate feeling out of control. I hate needing you so much. I hate ...I hate finally getting home and feeling like I'm still a million miles away."

"I know," Mac said, caressing his face. "And I know that there's nothing that I can really say to improve the situation but just know that I am here for you, I love you and I will spend the rest of my days just holding you if that's what it takes."

"I don't want to feel this way," he said quietly. "I shouldn't feel so weak, so utterly useless."

"Harm, honey," she said with a quiet desperation. "You're feeling the ill effects of your accident. It's just an injury...Just like your leg has been injured and you'll need some physical therapy. In a couple of months you'll be fully recovered and all this will just seem like bad dream."

"I'm sorry," he cried, just over it all. "I won't hold it against you if you want to leave."

"Would you leave me if the situation was reversed?" she asked, holding his head in place so he would look at her.

"Never," he said adamantly, shaking his head.

"Then don't expect me to leave you," she said before kissing him gently. "I am not going anywhere – ever."

"Thank you," he whispered before his emotions got the better of him once again.

The week followed the same pattern; minutes of Harm feeling okay, hours of Harm feeling sad or miserable. All through it, Mac was there for him. She ignored everything else in favour of just being with him. When he needed her comfort, she was there. When he needed space, she was still nearby pretending to read. Days and nights were interchangeable and by the time Thursday night rolled around Mac was exhausted and Harm was edgy, not sure what the tests the following morning would bring.

"Come to bed," Mac said, pulling back the covers as Harm dithered in the doorway to the bathroom, trying to decide what he was going to do.

"Not tired," he replied, not making a move in any direction.

"You don't have to sleep," she said sitting up. "You could just come and hold me...talk to me..."

For a while Harm looked at her and considered his options.

"Okay," he said with a nod; that sounded like something he could do.

Watching as he slid into bed, Mac waited for Harm to decide exactly what he wanted. After he settled on his back, he opened his arms and Mac shifted over and rested her head on his chest as Harm wrapped his arms around her.

"This okay?" he asked quietly.

"This is just perfect," Mac replied, using one hand to rub his upper arm gently. "Is it okay for you?"

"Having you in my arms will always be okay with me," he said tearfully before kissing her head.

For a while they lay entwined in silence and just as Mac was drifting off she heard Harm sniffle. Waiting for a moment to confirm what she knew was happening, Mac looked up to find the tears rolling down his face that she knew would be there.

Not knowing what else she could do or say to ease his misery, Mac pushed herself up and gently kissed him and then, for good measure, kissed him a few more times. Thinking she was doing the right thing, Mac was stunned when Harm pushed her away sharply and jumped out of bed yelling "No, no, no!"

While he hadn't meant it, due to their position in the bed, and the effort required to push Mac off of him, she had finished up on the edge of the bed. Trying to untangle the covers from around her legs, Mac ended up falling off the bed backwards, landing on her back and hitting her head off the floor.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, rubbing her head, her legs still resting on the bed, the sheet twisted around her feet. Stunned for a few moments, Mac stayed put. Her back hurt and her head was sore but neither compared to the pain within. The pain of the knowledge it was Harm who had caused it, the pain Harm was suffering and the pain she knew he would experience knowing he'd hurt her.

"Mac?" Harm called sheepishly from the doorway, looking in and not seeing her.

"Over here," she said with a sigh, reaching up to free her feet.

"Oh, god!" he exclaimed, running over. "I did this!"

"Just help me up," she said and winced as he pulled her up.

"What hurts?" he asked, tentatively rubbing her back. "What can I do to help you?"

"Just...Nothing," she said, shrugging away from his touch and moving to the bathroom.

"Mac...please," he begged, just wanting to fix anything he could.

Ignoring him, Mac went into the bathroom, closed the door and sat on the edge of the bath. With one hand she rubbed the sorest part of her head, with the other she tried to massage her lower back – neither action achieved much.

Paying no attention to the time or the fact she had already showered that night, Mac turned on the water before stripping off, changing the shower rose from spray to pulsate and standing under the throbbing stream of water, hoping it would soothe her body; little could be done for her mind.

At a loss as to what he could do and totally devastated by the turn of events, Harm went out to the living room and sat on the sofa. With tears streaming down his face and his mind awash with all sorts on incomplete thoughts, Harm tried to figure out what to do. When his cell buzzed, he answered it; it was his mom.

"Hi, mom," he said tearfully and instantly she knew something was very wrong.

"What's wrong, Harm?" she asked, standing still in the middle on her hotel room.

"Everything!" he said before tears took his voice.

"Sweetheart, talk to me," she insisted, she needed more than one word.

"Everything," he repeated. "Me...I'm all over the place...I ...I ...I hurt Mac...I didn't mean too..."

"You hurt her? How?" Trish asked incredulously. She knew Mac was the one person he'd give his life for, it was incomprehensible that he would actually hurt her.

"I pushed her away from me and she fell off the bed and hurt her back and head and she won't let me help her and she won't talk to me and she ...she...she probably hates me and I don't blame her, I hate me too but I need her here...I need her to be here with me...my head's all over the place and I feel like a stranger in my own body and I need her...I need her...I need her," he rambled before the sobbing took over and he disconnected the call.

Dressed only in a towel, Mac watched from the steps to his bedroom as he dropped the cell onto the floor and cradled his head in his hands, looking every bit the broken man he felt. Dropping the towel in favour of Harm's robe, Mac padded out to him and knelt in front of him. Gently, she tugged at his wrists and Harm barely resisted. Kneeling up, she wrapped her arms around his neck and cradled his head to her.

"I don't hate you," she whispered tearfully. "Never have, never will."

"I'm so sorry, Mac," he said trying not to hold her as tightly as he needed."I'm sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry."

"I know, I know," she replied, kissing his head. "It's okay, honey. Really, everything's going to be okay."

Not in a state to really hear or believe her, Harm just shook his head, apologising over and over and over again.

Eventually, Mac stood up, pulling Harm up with her. "Come back to bed with me," she said, tugging his hands as she walked backwards but he resisted.

"Ah, no, Mac. It's okay," he said slowly. "I'll stay on the sofa."

"Why?" she questioned, stepping towards him once more.

"Safer," he managed tearfully. "Don't want to hurt you again. Didn't mean to hurt you before."

"I know that," she agreed, linking her arms around his waist. "You seemed to like me kissing you...what changed?"

"I love you kissing me," he whispered before dropping his head onto her shoulder.

"So what happened when I was kissing you?" she asked again before kissing his head.

"Nothing," he said meekly.

"Something had to have happened," she replied. "You jumped up saying 'no, no, no'."

"Nothing happened," he said daring to look up at her. "We were lying there, you were kissing me and nothing happened."

Mac knew he was trying to get his point across without actually articulating the problem but for the life of her she couldn't get it. "What was supposed to happen?"

"You know," he said dropping his head once more. "What usually happens."

Then things became a little clearer for her.

"It doesn't matter," she whispered. "You aren't allowed do anything physical anyway."

"It does matter," he corrected, still not looking at her. "I should at least respond to you...but there was nothing."

"Well, honey," she said gently. "You were seriously injured in a car wreck not two months ago. You need to give your body time to heal."

"I should be able to respond to you," he said gruffly. "Hell, Mac, sometimes it only took a thought, a smile from you to be ready."

"It will be that way again," she said, kissing his head. "It will just take time ... and as much as I want to make love with you, getting you fit and healthy once more is my top priority."

It took Mac another five minutes of quiet negotiations to get Harm to agree to sleep in the bed. As she returned to the bathroom to put her pyjamas on once more, Harm slid into bed, making sure he was as far away from where Mac would be sleeping as he could. Coming from the bathroom, Mac instantly realised what he was doing. Slipping into her side, Mac crept towards the middle and, although she expected it, was disappointed he made no move to touch her.

Gently, she raised her hand and rubbed his back.

"Harm," she said quietly. "Are you able to do me a favour, please?"

"Sure," he said turning over, ready to do anything for her.

"My back is quite sore," she said, caressing his face. "Do you think you could rub it for me?"

Ah, yeah, sure," he said slowly.

"Great," she replied and pressed up against him.

When Harm didn't respond, Mac raised her pyjama top, took his hand and placed it low on her back. "Just there," she said, moving her hand out of the way and resting it on his chest.

Pressing against him, Mac relaxed into his touch, his hand doing wonders to soothe her back and her sense of wellbeing. Long after Mac had fallen asleep, Harm's hand was still rubbing circles on her back needing this contact more than he needed sleep. In the end, he had fallen asleep less than two hours before the alarm went off. Still, rather than being exhausted, he was relieved to find Mac still pressed against him and this refreshed him more than hours of sleep could.

By 1000, they were at Bethesda once more and Harm had checked in for his appointments. Sitting outside Commander Jonas Johnstone's room, Mac took Harm's hand in his and rested her head on his shoulder. She didn't speak as she didn't know what to say that wouldn't seem hollow.

"Commander Rabb," the receptionist said. "You may go in."

The consultation with the doctor was rather brief, just a summary of the tests Harm would be undertaking that day, a few questions about how he'd been feeling that week and an introduction to Lt Carl Woolley who would be accompanying Harm to his tests that morning.

Once the men had departed, Commander Johnstone asked Mac to sit down once more and this time the conversation was rather in depth with the doctor wanting to know specifics. Over the next 30 minutes, Mac was very open about the changes in Harm's personality, his emotional state, the events of the night before.

"And are you alright this morning?" Commander Johnstone interrupted. "Do you need to have your head and back checked out?"

"Things are a bit stiff this morning," she admitted, "Particularly my neck but the pain has subsided considerably."

"Has he ever lashed out at you be..." he started.

"Never!" Mac jumped in. "He has never ...would never...physically hurt me. It's definitely out of character." Then Mac went on to give Harm's explanation of what had happened and why and the doctor made some notes.

"It's not uncommon for sexual function to be impacted in a situation like this," he said as he looked up at Mac.

"I told him the same thing but it wasn't much consolation," she said and the doctor nodded.

"It never is," he said with a wry smile.

Going for coffee as Harm was doing his tests, Mac was back in the doctor's waiting room when Harm returned with Lt Woolley.

"All done?" she asked standing up to greet him.

Harm nodded. "All done, ma'am," said Lt Woolley before he said goodbye and left.

"You're looking tired," she said as she caressed his face. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," he said allowing himself to be wrapped in her arms.

"Well, I think we see Johnstone, have lunch on the way home and have a big nap this afternoon," she suggested, knowing that's exactly what she wanted to do.

"Sounds good," he agreed.

Commander Johnstone could offer little more than support given that the test results would not be in until early the following week but he did tell Harm he that counselling would be on the agenda as a part of further appointments. When Harm went to protest, he was told it was standard practice in such situations and he would have to do at least three sessions before they would discuss stopping them.

Over lunch, the conversation was focused mainly on the happenings at JAG HQ during Harm's absence and while he wasn't all that interested in much at the moment, he figured it was a topic he could participate in. After lunch, they stopped by the store to pick up some groceries and while Mac volunteered to go in alone, Harm accompanied her, not wanting to be on his own.

The afternoon drifted by with a long nap for Mac and a restless one for Harm, still he stayed in bed with her for the duration not wanting to disturb her. It was near dinner time when a knock on the door disturbed them both and as Mac yawned and stretched, Harm slid out of bed to answer the knock.

"Mom! Frank!" he said, opening the door. "What are you doing here?"

"After yesterday's conversation where on earth did you expect me to be?" Trish said, dropping her handbag by the door and embracing her son.

"Oh, mom," he said as he held onto her and sobbed into her hair.

Stepping around them, Frank closed the door behind him and patted Harm's back before spying Mac on the steps.

"Hello, sweetheart," he said, making his way to her. "How are you?"

"Glad you're here," she admitted embracing him.

"It's been a tough week for you, hasn't it?" he asked quietly.

"Yep," she said with a nod.

"And how have you recovered from your fall yesterday? Harm was very distressed about it," he whispered.

"Just a bit stiff," she said, pulling back as Trish made her way over.

As Mac greeted Trish, Frank embraced Harm before sitting down next to him on the sofa and chatting quietly. Mac moved to make coffee for them all as Trish stood at the counter watching tearfully.

"I hate seeing him like this," Trish said, turning to watch her son and husband.

"Me too," Mac agreed filling the mugs on the bench. "I just don't know what to say to him at times."

"It would be hard," she said before turning back to face Mac. Reaching out, she stopped Mac from picking up the mugs. "Now, I want the truth," she said quietly. "How are you feeling? I know he hurt you yesterday."

"I'm in better shape than he is," she replied. "Just a little stiff," she added when Trish raised an eyebrow. "No permanent damage."

"Oh, Mac," she said, embracing the younger woman once more. "He hates himself for doing it."

"I know," she agreed. "But I don't blame him. He's not himself...he's...he's..."

"He's so in love with you," she said, kissing Mac's head.

"I know that too."

Coffee was a quiet affair with Trish and Frank trying to be supportive rather than intrusive. As the time ticked on, Frank suggested they go out to dinner but Harm shook his head. He wasn't hungry and wasn't up to going out.

"But you feel free to go," he said waving his hand towards his parents.

"We could," he said slowly. "And Sarah, you could come with..."

"No," said Harm quickly getting to his feet. "She doesn't want to go out to eat either," he added before hurrying off to the bedroom.

Trish and Frank both looked at Mac. "He hates me being away from him. Even in the hospital he would only stay overnight if I stayed with him."

"That's not like him," Trish said. "None of this is like him."

"It's all a part of the injury," she said. "Commander Johnstone says it will improve."

"And is it? Improving?" Frank asked looking from Mac to the steps Harm had disappeared up.

"Nope," she said getting to her feet and following Harm's exit. "But I hope it does soon."

Finding him was easy as Harm sat on the side of the bed, his hands clasped in his lap, his head hung low.

"So, I bet I look like an idiot," he said, not bothering to look up.

Standing between his legs, Mac held him to her, stroking his back. "Nah," she said leaning down and kissing his head. "I didn't want to go out anyway."

"When will I feel more like me?" he asked desolately.

"Soon," she said, kissing him once more. "You'll soon be feeling like yourself and this will all seem like a bad dream."

Not really wanting to face his parents just yet, Harm was content to just sit on the bed and let Mac soothe him. Trish had other ideas though and came up the steps to see him. Stopping in the doorway, she looked at the pair and suddenly anything she was going to say disappeared.

"Hey, Trish," Mac said with a smile.

"Hi there," she replied. "Just wanted to check up on you both."

"We're doing okay," she answered. "But we'll skip going out to dinner."

"We figured," Trish said with a nod. "Frank's gone to pick up some take out instead." Making her way across the room, Trish sat down next to Harm as he let go of Mac and took a deep breath. "Is there anything I can do to make things better for you, Harmon?" she asked earnestly as she took his hand in hers.

"No, mom," he said shaking his head. "I don't think so."

"Well, just remember that we love you very much and we will do all we can to help you recover from this," she said before leaning in and kissing his cheek.

"Thanks, mom," he managed as tears threatened to take his voice once more.

The weekend followed the same pattern and while Trish and Frank spent a great deal of time at the loft, they spent their nights at a nearby hotel. Sunday evening, Trish pulled Mac aside as she returned from the bathroom.

"Sweetheart, you're looking very tired," she said quietly.

"Feeling it too," she admitted. "But I can manage."

"How about if Frank and I stay tonight and you go to the hotel?" she offered, rubbing Mac's upper arm. "It's not going to help anything if you exhaust yourself."

"Thanks for the offer," she replied with a grateful smile. "And as appealing as a night of uninterrupted sleep sounds, I don't think Harm would cope with that just yet."

"It's very hard to watch him in so much distress," Trish said, looking over to Harm who was sat in the armchair trying to pay attention to what Frank was saying but his eyes darting to see where Mac was and what she was doing.

"Tell me about it," Mac said with a sigh. "As much as I love the fact he needs me so much and is letting me take care of him, it kills me every time I see the pain in his eyes."

"Mac, everything alright?" Harm called, wondering what all the whispering was about.

"Everything's fine," she replied turning to face him. "Your mom was just asking if I thought you were well enough to go out tomorrow for lunch," Mac lied as she crossed the room to him. "And I said I thought you were and that getting out of the loft might do us both the world of good." Sitting on the arm of the chair she caressed his head. "What do you think?"

"Okay," he said slowly. "Where did you have in mind, mom?"

"You're fond of that seafood restaurant you took us to last time we were in town," she said, not caring Mac had lied. "What was it, Saleras?"

Harm nodded; it was his favourite restaurant. "Is that alright with you?" he asked Mac, tugging her into his lap.

"Fine with me," she replied, kissing his head. "They do a great Surf'n'Turf, not to mention their range of desserts."

Frank offered to make coffee and Trish volunteered to help as Mac settled in Harm's lap, checking that she wasn't causing his injured leg any discomfort.

"About lunch tomorrow," he whispered.

"What about it?" she asked, linking her arms around his neck.

"Do you think it will be alright? That I'll be alright?" he questioned quietly.

"I think you'll be fine," she replied, caressing his face. "Don't you?"

"I hope I am," he said resting his head on her shoulder. "It's just that since the accident...since I got home...it's really only been hospital visits and the loft. I don't want to embarrass myself."

"I am confident it will all go well," she reassured him before kissing his head. "But however it goes I will be there, sitting next to you and holding your hand," she continued. "And we can just eat and leave, we don't have to hang around chatting if you're not up to it, okay?"

"Okay," he agreed nodding. He knew he could face the world so long as he had Mac by his side.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: All the usual disclaimers.

Part 3/5

The following day, Harm's confidence fluctuated as the time for departure for lunch neared. A couple of times he brought up the subject of not going but had been vague about it, so Mac had taken the opportunity to pretend she didn't get what he was saying. It had taken them ten minutes in the car park before Harm was ready to get out of the car and a few moments at the door while he inhaled deeply.

"It will be a lovely lunch," Mac said, raising his hand and kissing it. "You'll see."

The look of relief on his parents' face as they walked in was not missed by Mac and she figured they would have been sitting there wondering if this was a good idea, especially as the time ticked by.

"Hello there," Frank said, getting up to greet them. "It's good to see you both.

"Hey, Frank," Mac said, kissing his cheek. "Hope you haven't been waiting too long."

"Not at all," he replied, pulling out her chair as Harm greeted his mother.

"We're just happy to see you here," Trish said as Harm sat down, his hand instantly searching for Mac's under the table.

"Mmmm, smells so good in here," Mac said. "Doesn't it?" she asked, looking at Harm.

"Yes, it does," he replied slowly, still unsure if this was a good idea.

"Good thing we didn't have much for breakfast," she said, edging her chair closer to him.

"Yeah," he replied, looking ill at ease in familiar surroundings.

For all Harm's reluctance, lunch was a success and he ate most of what Mac had ordered for him and even participated in the friendly chatter. However, as soon as desserts and coffees had been consumed, he started feeling restless and wanted to go home. Not too sure how to say it without causing the others to worry, Harm squeezed Mac's hand and looked at her. It only took her a moment to realise what he wanted and so she decided to wrap things up.

"Trish, Frank, it's been a wonderful lunch," she said, pushing back her chair. "But I think it's time we headed home," she added, tilting her head slightly towards Harm.

"It has been lovely," Trish agreed, standing up to embrace her. "We won't visit tonight but will call you in the morning and make some plans," she said before looking at her son and husband talking. "Is that alright?" she whispered to Mac.

"It's fine," she whispered in reply.

"You call tonight if you need anything or any help, okay?" she said quietly. "At any time!"

"I will," she replied. "But I think we'll be okay."

Moving over to Harm, Mac found him arguing with Frank over who was paying, with Frank insisting that as it was he and Trish who invited them for lunch they would pick up the check. Harm had different ideas.

"Frank," she said, patting his arm. "We'd really like to do this. Maybe we can have dinner tomorrow or Tuesday and it will be your treat."

One look at the woman who would one day be his daughter-in-law, Frank capitulated. At the moment it wasn't about pride it was about Harm and letting him do what he needed to do to help him reclaim the parts of himself he seemed to have lost.

"Well, if I had have know it was your shout, I would have ordered the 2.5lb lobster," he said with a laugh as he put away his wallet.

"Well, if we make it The Capital Grille, which I know you love, I'll order the seared tenderloin with butter poached lobster tails, if that will make you feel better," she added with a wink before she kissed his cheek.

"I think I could manage that, so long as you don't want dessert as well," he said with a laugh.

With the farewells completed, Harm and Mac headed to the car and the moment they were inside Harm closed his eyes and leant his head back on the seat.

"You okay?" Mac said, reaching across and taking his hand.

"Aha," he said, not moving,

"Harm?" she called, wanting him to look at her, gradually he did. "Are you okay?" she repeated slowly.

"Yeah," he said in a sigh. "Just relieved it's over and eager to get home."

"Okay," she replied, lifting his hand and kissing it. "Put your seatbelt on and we'll be on our way."

The afternoon passed with them both napping in bed and for the first time since his return home, Harm slept soundly with Mac wrapped in his arms. While Mac dozed on and off, she did spend some time contemplating what was different today. What was it that had settled Harm enough to allow him to find a restful sleep? Believing it was a combination of eating well, feeling a little better and being surrounded by love, she closed her eyes and prayed they had turned a corner.

Tuesday morning the pair sat in front of Commander Johnstone and while Mac believed she knew what was going to come, she couldn't help the wave of emotion which surged through her when the good doctor confirmed that Harm had sustained a mild traumatic brain injury.

"Now, the accident in Germany is most likely the primary cause but it must be noted that you have sustained head injuries on numerous occasions before that," Commander Johnstone said, glancing at his notes.

"So, I'm brain damaged," Harm said in a voice so strange Mac had to look at him to make sure it was he who had spoken.

"You have a brain injury," the doctor corrected. "With time, treatment and therapy, there's a good chance you'll make a full recovery."

"I thought brain damage was permanent," he said not daring to look at Mac.

"In some cases it is," he said. "Your brain has experienced an injury similar to whiplash. Small axons, nerve fibres, have been twisted or sheared and impaired function."

"So what can you do for Harm?" Mac asked, gently rubbing his arm as his hand remained locked in hers.

"There are a range of things we can do in this situation," he said, pulling out a chart, before going on to explain cognitive behaviour therapy, deep autonomic relaxation, nutrition, stress management and neurotherapy.

By the time he had finished, Harm was completely overwhelmed by the whole thing while Mac was awash in a sea of medical jargon and what would be their new world.

"Now," the doctor said, looking at them both. "It's all a bit daunting at first, but I have seen excellent results from people in a more injured state than you, Harm. The most important part of your recovery is going to be your approach to it and that's why Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is essential because it keeps your thinking, behaviour and attitude all going in a constructive direction."

With a folder full of information and a chart outlining appointments, Harm and Mac returned to the loft with a million thoughts racing through their heads, yet neither was talking.

"I don't want to go out for dinner," was Harm's first comment an hour after they had returned home.

"That's okay," Mac agreed, she certainly didn't want to do anything social either. "Why don't you give Frank or your mom a call and let them know?"

Turning, Harm looked at her as if she had grown another head.

"What?" she asked looking up from her book.

"I can't call them," he said incredulously.

"Why not?" she questioned, wanting him to really think about why he couldn't do the simple things he used to do.

"Because..." he started before pausing."Because..." he tried again. Mac waited patiently for him to complete his sentence but it never came.

"Because..." she prompted gently.

"They'll ask questions about the appointment and I don't know...I can't...Please can you call them?" he begged crossing the room and sitting at her feet on the sofa.

"Sure, I can call them," she said. "And I can tell them what Johnstone said," she offered but he shook his head. "We promised we'd tell them."

"I know," he said, looking at her feet rather than her face.

"And they will ask," she said, reaching over and raising his face.

"I know that too," he said before looking her in the eye. "Do I have to listen to you tell them?"

"No, of course not," she said quickly. "I can call them from the bedroom or out in the hallway."

"Oh, okay," he said with a nod. "I'll go into the bedroom and you call them..."

"Honey, they will want to come and see you and, most likely, bring dinner with them," she said. "Is that going to be okay?"

Harm turned and considered her question. It wasn't going to be okay. He didn't want to see anyone. He didn't want to talk about the appointment. He didn't want to eat. However, looking at Mac, he didn't want to make her life more difficult either. "Sure," he finally replied and Mac nodded knowing it wasn't the honest answer but accepting it anyway. This was their new reality and one to be negotiated carefully.

As planned, Trish and Frank arrived at seven with bags of Chinese food. As Mac organised the drinks, Harm hid out in the bathroom.

"Is that boy of ours avoiding us?" Frank asked quietly as he took out the boxes.

"Yep," Mac said honestly. "He's not sure what your reaction will be so he is trying to avoid it altogether."

Frank nodded then shook his head; how he longed for the young man who wasn't afraid of anyone or anything, especially his parents.

"So, how do we do this?" Trish asked, her eyes watery already.

"You tell him you love him, you tell him you'll always be there for him and you hug him," Mac replied, not sure if it was the right thing but it was all she was doing at the moment.

When everything was set to eat, Mac made a move to get Harm.

"Allow me, Sarah," Frank said ascending the steps.

With a couple of deep breaths, Frank crossed the room and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Son, everything alright in there?" he asked in as normal a voice as he could muster.

"Yes, Frank," Harm replied. "I'll be out in a minute."

Sitting down on the bed, Frank waited for the door to open and was relieved when it did. "Dinner's ready."

"Okay," Harm replied with a nod. "Smells good," he offered in an attempt to continue the conversation.

"It does," Frank replied standing. "Hey, look, Harm," he said, grabbing his stepson's arm as he moved towards the steps. "Mac told us about the news this morning," he said quietly and watched as Harm's eyes filled with tears. "It doesn't change anything. I still love you very much. I am still here for anything you need, you or Sarah."

"It changes who I am," Harm all but whispered.

"No," Frank said, taking him in his arms. "It changes the way you are acting at the moment but in here and here," he said tapping Harm's head and chest. "You are the same person and, with time, TLC and therapy, will be again."

"What happens if I'm not?" he questioned, "Even after the treatment...what happens if I don't go back to being me?" It was a question that had been gnawing at him since this all started.

"Then," Frank said, hugging him tightly. "I will love the new you just as much."

"I appreciate that, Frank," he said tearfully. "But you have to say that, you're my dad. What about Mac though? It took us long enough to get together before this, what happens if she doesn't like who I become?"

"Mac loves you, very much, son," he said, kissing his head. "This is only going to strengthen that love. You might not notice it but I can see the way she looks at you, she is totally devoted to you. This injury hasn't changed that."

"Are you sure?" he asked nervously.

"Absolutely positive," he replied with a broad grin.

Trish's response was similar to her husband's though a little tearier. She took the opportunity after dinner when Frank and Mac were clearing the table to hold Harm tightly and tell him just how much she loved him and how she would always be there for him.

"Thanks, mom," he said kissing her head.

"With time and love, you'll be as good as new in no time," she said, kissing his cheek. "And you have to know you are surrounded by absolute love," she continued, looking over to where Mac was. "You might not think it now but this may well turn out to be the best thing that happened to you – to you both."

Harm just shrugged; at this point in time he couldn't see anything positive about this experience.

While mother and son were having their moment, Frank took the opportunity to fill Mac in on the details of his conversation. While he didn't want to betray Harm, he felt that the exchange of information was important as they all needed to know what Harm was thinking if they were going to work together to get him through it.

"I will love him regardless," was Mac's response and Frank nodded.

"That's what I told him," he replied with a smile.

And that was the end of the matter.

During the night, Harm was restless and there seemed little that Mac could do to soothe him. While he was asleep, he was tossing and muttering and Mac tried all she could to try to get him to settle. For a few minutes he quietened and Mac closed her eyes and sighed deeply, desperate for sleep. When he moved, she took the opportunity to snuggle closer to him, enjoying the feel of his solid body next to hers. Smiling to herself as his breathing evened out, Mac allowed herself to drift off into a blissful oblivion.

It was an hour later when Harm jolted awake and woke Mac in the process.

"It's okay. It's okay," she said automatically, blindly reaching out for him.

While no words were coming from Harm there were a lot of sounds of distress and by the time Mac could focus on his face she knew what had happened.

"Oh, god, Mac," he said shaking his head and trying to extract himself from her. "I am so, so sorry."

"It's alright," she said sitting up. "It was an accident."

"Oh, god," he muttered. "I don't believe this. I am very sorry."

"Honey, really," she said, climbing out of the bed and walking around to him. "These things happen"

"Mac, I'm 41!" he said looking at her for the first time. "I shouldn't be wetting the bed...and god, you." His hand went up to cover his face. "I don't believe this."

"Honey, honey, Harm," she said tugging his hand away from his face before wiping his tears away. "This is not a big deal," she said gently. "It's just a little bump on the road to recovery."

He looked at her, his shame etched on his face. "I'm sorry," he mouthed.

"I love you," she replied, pressing up on her toes to kiss him. "Now, why don't you go shower and change and I'll strip the bed."

"No, you go," he said. "Cleaning up is the least I can do."

"Could we compromise?" she asked tilting her head. "Can we strip the bed and clean the mattress then shower together?" she asked when he nodded.

"How can you not be repulsed by me?" he questioned, leaning his forehead on hers.

"How could I be?" she challenged. "You've done nothing wrong."

"I wet the bed," he said shaking his head.

"I know," she agreed. "But do you remember what happened a few weeks into our relationship?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He shook his head.

"We'd had a wonderful few hours in bed...a very active few hours," she began and the smile spread across Harm's face – now he remembered.

"And then we realised your period had started unexpectedly," he said and Mac nodded.

"And I was so embarrassed," she said, a blush still coming to her cheeks. "But do you remember what you said to me?"

"That you weren't to be embarrassed because it wasn't anything you could control, it wasn't deliberate and I was okay with it," he said quietly.

"And I believed you," she said kissing his nose. "And that's why I'm not repulsed by you."

"Don't ever leave me," he pleaded as he pulled her closer. "I can't breathe without you."

"Not going anywhere," she whispered."I'm yours forever."

By the time 0300 rolled around, the bed was stripped, Mac and Harm had showered and changed and Mac was busy assembling the pillows and blankets on the sofa where they would be spending the rest of the night.

When she looked up, Harm was standing on the steps with the basket of soiled bedclothes in his hands.

"I know it's late but I think these should go in the washing machine now," he said slowly.

"Okay," Mac agreed. "There's change for the machines in my purse if you need it."

"Aha," he said, it wasn't the answer he was after.

"You could just put them in the washing machine and come back," Mac suggested. "Then when we get up again in a few hours we can put them in the dryer."

"Okay," he said, still not making much of a move to go.

"Would you like me to do it?" she offered coming over to him.

"No, no, I can do it," he said quickly, descending the steps.

"Would you like me to come with you?" she asked, sensing his hesitance.

"Um...no," he said painfully slowly. "I can do this."

"I'll be right here when you get back," she said, pointing to the sofa.

"Promise?" he checked as he headed to the door.

"Promise."

Mac was snuggled under the blankets on the sofa when Harm returned fifteen minutes later, her eyes having been fixed on the door willing him to return and be feeling okay.

"All done," he said, locking the door behind him.

"Good," she replied, pulling back the covers for him.

"I can sleep in the armchair," he said, not sure if she'd want him close by.

"I'd rather you sleep with me," she replied, propping herself up on one elbow.

"You sure?" he checked turning off the light.

"Positive," she replied. "Besides, I have a favour to ask."

Soon Harm was nestled beside her, arms surrounding each other.

"So, what can I do for you?" he asked, willing to do anything he could.

"Well, I was wondering if...only if you're up for it though...was wondering if we could make out for a bit," she said, not sure how else to phrase it and desperate for him to realise that she loved him as much now as she ever did.

Harm noted her uncharacteristic shyness as she asked and could only smile. It seemed she was as nervous as he was.

"Oh, I think I could manage that," he said trying to find the bravado he knew he once had.

Leaning down he kissed her softly a few times before pulling back. "You'll tell me if I'm not doing it right...or rather the same...I'm just a bit out of practice."

"So am I," she said, running her hand up the back of his tee and rubbing lazy circles. "But I'm willing to practice and practice some more if need be." She grinned before pulling him down to her and deepening the kiss.

In the quietness and darkness of the predawn, kisses were exchanged; deep, sensual kisses and Mac couldn't help but notice Harm's physical reaction to their exchanges. However, she said nothing for as much as she wanted to take this encounter a whole lot further, she knew anything more would have to be on his terms and she wasn't going to push him to do something he was not physically or mentally prepared for. Still, it made her smile to know he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Harm knew that while Mac had initiated this exchange and had taken the lead initially that she had surrendered to him completely. His body covered hers and he could feel his growing erection as she moaned beneath him. Pleased that his body wasn't betraying him, Harm couldn't help but smile to himself as his hand explored her body under her top.

"Gotta say I've missed this," she mumbled as he sucked on the pulse point on her neck. "You're amazing."

"You're amazing yourself," he replied, settling on his side, their legs entwined. "Thank you for this."

"For what?" she asked, her eyes heavy and glazed.

"Everything," he mumbled as he reached over and kissed her once more. "Absolutely everything."

With soft caresses and tender words the pair drifted off to sleep

When Harm awoke a few hours later, his first thoughts were about the sleeping beauty still in his arms and how he could stay put forever. However, his second thoughts were about the bedding in the washing machine in the basement laundry and the need to put it in the dryer. Still mortified by the events of the night, Harm slipped from the sofa and repositioned the pillows to ensure Mac's comfort.

Dressing quickly, Harm grabbed a handful of change for the dryer and his keys and opened his door, surprised to find his mother just about to knock.

"Going somewhere?" she asked as she sidestepped him into the apartment and put her things on an armchair. "Why's Mac sleeping on the sofa?" she whispered, turning back to face her son.

"I'm just heading down to the laundry," he said stepping into the hallway. "Come with me," he said, needing the company.

On the trip down, Harm was honest with his mother and explained most of the events which occurred during the night. Still highly embarrassed, he figured it was easier to go with the truth, after all, they were headed to the laundry to move bed linen and blankets into dryers and Mac was on the sofa, it wouldn't have taken a genius to link the two.

Surprised by her son's openness, Trish just patted his arm and told him that it was all a part of his recovery and not to let it worry him. He could only offer a half smile and a shrug; even as a young child he tried to hide episodes of bedwetting. It certainly wasn't part of his personality to admit such things.

Returning to his floor, the elevator doors opened and there stood Jennifer Coates.

"Sir, welcome back," she said embracing him before quickly realising she'd overstepped the boundaries. "It's good to see you looking so well."

"Thank you, Jennifer," he replied with a nod."And it looks like your two weeks in Hawaii has done wonders for you."

"Yes, sir," she said. "It was just perfect."

With Harm and Jennifer catching up, Trish let herself back into the loft and Mac, who had turned to face the back of the sofa stirred.

"If you tell me you got coffee and Danishes I will love you forever," she said sleepily as she turned over. "Oh, Trish, sorry," she said. "I thought you were Harm. Where is he?"

"Just talking to young Jennifer," she said gesturing to the hallway.

"Where were you both?" she questioned, a little hazy on what Harm had been up to.

"In the laundry room," Trish replied. "He told me what happened."

"He's ashamed," Mac said quietly and Trish nodded.

"He told me how good you were about it," she said. "Thank you for that."

"Nothing to thank me for," she said. "I love him, it's that simple."

A few minutes later Harm walked in and Trish didn't miss Harm's genuine smile at seeing Mac awake and looking at him. While he had smiled at her that morning, it hadn't reached his eyes, this time, his whole face lit up.

"Good morning, honey," Mac said, pushing herself up into a seated position.

"Hey," he said coming straight over to her. "Sleep well?" he asked before kissing her briefly.

"Yeah," she said in a yawn. "Just not long enough."

Scooting along the sofa, Mac made room for Harm behind her before moving back and reclining on him, enjoying the feel of his fingers through her hair.

"Mmmm," she murmured contentedly, her eyes closed.

"I might just go and get the coffee and Danishes you wanted, sweetheart" Trish said getting to her feet.

"Oh, that's okay, Trish, you don't...' Mac began but Trish shook her head.

"Please," she said tilting her head towards Harm who was more interested in looking at Mac than anything his mother was doing. "It's the least I can do."

Harm's awareness of his mother's departure only came when she had closed the door behind her.

"Where'd mom go?" he asked, finally looking at something other than Mac.

"Across the road to get coffee and Danishes," Mac replied before pushing herself up and back once more, this time to settle in Harm's lap. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"Okay," he said with a brief nod of the head, pulling her a little closer.

"Is there anything you want to do today?" she asked, linking her arms around his neck.

"Mom suggested we go to the zoo," he said. "Frank's lined up some meetings today and she thought the fresh air and walk would do me good."

"Sounds like a good idea," Mac said, liking the idea of getting outside. "But what do you think?"

"As long as you come and we take it easy, I think I'll be okay," he said hesitantly. "Will you come?"

"Of course," she said, kissing his cheek. "It's been so long since I've been to the zoo."

For a few minutes longer, Mac snuggled in close, loving the fact he needed her, hating the fact he was so unsure of himself.

Finally, she pulled away and announced she needed to get dressed before Trish returned and stood up, dropping the bedcovers from around her, and revealing the fact she was only wearing a tee and panties.

Harm watched as she stooped down to pick up the bedding and then trailed her into the bedroom with the pillows.

Sitting on the bed, he watched Mac as she dressed in her comfortable jeans and a form fitting soft blue tee. As she looked in the mirror to brush her hair, she caught sight of Harm and noticed his expression was different from when he used to watch her dress or undress.

"What are you thinking?" she asked, turning to face him.

'Honestly?" he asked and she nodded. "I'm not really thinking anything...I just have this innate desire to be near you. It's not even a sexual thing...my heart just seems to beat out of sync if you aren't within sight."

"I'm not going anywhere, honey" she said softly, stepping across and standing between his legs. "But maybe it's something you need to talk to your counsellor about."

"I will," he said slowly as his arms wound around her.

Pulling her closer, Harm rested his head on her chest and they remained that way until Trish returned.

The weather was perfect for a leisurely walk around the zoo and both Mac and Trish had told Harm he was to let them know if it was too much or he needed a break. He had simply nodded and slipped his hand into Mac's; she was all he needed.

Coming in from Lot D, the trio made their way to the Great Cats, Mac walking far slower than usual to allow for the hilly terrain.

"I can walk faster," Harm whispered as he moved his hand from hers and wrapped it around her shoulders.

"I know," she replied. "I'm just enjoying the view."

The tigers and lions were great and Trish suggested they lunch in the nearby Mane Grill.

"Mom, we've only just arrived," Harm said shaking his head.

"I know," she agreed. "But I don't want you overdoing it and it's hillier than I remember."

"Mom, I'm fine," he said firmly.

"Well, how about we get a wheelchair and ..." she started.

"I don't need a wheelchair and you two certainly don't need to be pushing around someone of my size on this terrain," he said, walking on.

"What about a motorised..." Trish started before Mac shook her head.

"I think Harm is just fine," she interjected. "We'll just follow his lead," she added, needing to give Harm some sense of control over his own wellbeing.

"Thank you," he replied as they headed towards Lemur Island.

When they did stop for lunch it was at the Panda Cafe and Harm couldn't decide what he wanted.

"How about you go get a table," Mac suggested, gesturing to the tables outside, "And I'll get you something?"

Harm looked at the tables and then to where Mac was standing. He may have been out and about and claiming independence in his ability to walk around the zoo but he was still totally dependent on being near Mac.

"Okay," he said slowly, spying a table which would allow him to get a table for them while having Mac in view.

"He seemed very unsure," Trish commented as they watched Harm choose the table right outside the cafe and choose the chair which looked into where they stood.

"He is," Mac replied, waving at him. "He becomes distressed if he can't see me."

"That can't be easy on you," she commented as they took a step in the line.

"Oh, I don't mind most of the time," she replied, still looking at Harm. "Although when I want to use the bathroom it can be a bit much."

"What has his doctor said about it?" she asked, studying her son.

"I don't think Commander Johnstone knows the extent of it, but, when I'm there tomorrow I will fill him in," she explained turning around to face the cashier. "Trish, what are you having?"

"I'll have the Turkey Club," she said, pointing to the corresponding item on the Panini chart on the counter, "And an iced tea."

"And I'll take two more iced teas, the Virginian Panini and the California Grill," Mac said, hoping he'd like the eggplant, Portobello mushrooms, zucchini, red peppers and provolone on sourdough.

As the cashier rang up the order, both Mac and Trish took out their purses ready to pay for lunch. "Sarah, please let me get this," she said quietly. "I can't help with much at the moment, this is the least I can do."

Mac conceded quickly, there would be numerous battles on Harm's road to recovery; this one wasn't one worth fighting.

"Thank you," Trish said, as Mac put her money away. "I'll bring these out if you want to go sit with Harm."

By the time Trish joined them, Harm had moved his chair around to the side of the table so that it was almost touching Mac's.

"Sun was in my eyes," he said as Mac watched him move.

"It is quite bright today, isn't it?" she agreed, although the fact he was initially facing the window meant the sun wasn't a problem at all.

Trish handed put the plates and drinks before moving the tray to the spare place on the table. "They look great," she said enthusiastically, hoping her son would eat something substantial. She hadn't seen him eat a full or proper meal in all the time since his injury.

True to form, Harm abandoned his Panini when he was only half way through. "I can get you something else," Mac said, watching as he pushed the plate away.

"No, thanks, gorgeous," he said, shaking his head. "That was fine. I've just had enough."

"Are you sure?" Trish asked, "You only had two mouthfuls of that Danish at breakfast."

"I'm sure," he said. "I just don't have much of an appetite lately."

"You still need to have something in your system to help you recover," Trish said. "I'll get you some ice-cream," she said standing up.

"Fine," he conceded, knowing he wasn't going to win with her. "But it can wait til you've finished your lunch."


	4. Chapter 4

AN: All the usual disclaimers.

Part 4/5

By two, Harm had had enough. He knew he was limping and that he should call an end to their visit but he didn't want to worry anyone. When they stopped for Trish to use the bathroom, Mac wrapped her arms around his waist and stood close.

"Are you ready to admit you've had enough for today?" she asked quietly, her eyes locked on his.

"Yeah," he said with a nod before resting his forehead on hers.

"Where does it hurt?" she asked, releasing her right hand and running it around his left hip.

"The whole area," he admitted, "But mainly the hip down into the thigh."

"How about we go back to my place?" she said caressing his face. "You can soak in the tub for a while and then I can massage the area."

"Sounds good," he said with a yawn. "Think mom will mind if we abandon her?"

"Leave your mom to me," she said as Trish walked back to them. "How about you go to the bathroom and give us a minute?"

Harm didn't want the bathroom, nor did he want to leave Mac, so he compromised and walked towards the bathroom and then stood in the doorway and watched the most important women in his life. While he couldn't hear them, he was sure Mac would be telling his mother some story which would preserve her feelings.

However, Mac went with the truth and explained Harm's pain, what they intended to do and how it would make him feel better if his mother went to do something else this afternoon as he didn't want to spoil her day.

"If you can give me a key to Harm's loft," Trish said. "I can pick up some groceries and cook up a few of his favourite dishes. Hopefully, there'll be something to entice him to eat. He is starting to look a little too thin for my liking."

"Mine too," she agreed. "That sounds like a great idea. Where can we drop you off?"

"Nowhere," she said shaking her head. "I'll get the groceries across the road and then Frank can pick me up."

Mac handed over the key as Harm made his way back to them.

"Frank called and he is going to meet me here for coffee before we do something for the afternoon," Trish lied. "He asked about you both joining us but I thought it might be overdoing it and that you'd like to go home."

"Thanks, mom," he said genuinely pleased she didn't seem offended by their early departure.

Once back at Mac's building, she sorted out Harm's bath which would consist of very warm water with 10 drops each of marjoram and lavender. As she collected the softest towels she had and the massage lotion she'd use next, Harm sat on her bed and watched her.

"Do you need some help getting undressed?" she asked as he sat motionless.

"I think so. I can't really bend to do my socks and shoes," he admitted, sharp pains in his hip limiting his movement.

"I can get them," she said, kneeling down in front of him and undoing his laces before removing his shoes then socks.

Standing once more, she grabbed the bottom of his sweater and pulled it up over his head. When she started unbuttoning his jeans, he stopped her.

"I've got this," he said, carefully standing up, before undoing them himself and dropping them to the floor. Stepping out of the discarded item, Harm grimaced before grabbing hold of Mac as his left leg seemed to give way.

"Whoa!" she said, steadying him. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he said slowly, not too sure if he was. "Just need a little more support than I thought."

"Well, then," she said, caressing his face. "Just relax and let me help you."

It was Mac who divested Harm of his tee and boxers, and Mac who helped him walk into the bathroom. It was Mac who supported him as he eased himself into the tub and it as Mac who sat on the edge of said tub and kept him company.

"Why don't you close your eyes and just relax?" she said, caressing his face as he tried to fight fatigue. He shook his head. "What do you think will happen if you do?" she questioned, her hand palming his cheek.

Tilting his head to the side he looked at her before shrugging. It was simple, if he was asleep Mac could go anywhere and he wouldn't be aware of it and he couldn't chance that.

"I'm not going anywhere," she reassured him as her thumb swept over his cheek. "Honestly, I'll stay right here."

Still, Harm wasn't taking the chance and he fought to stay awake for the fifteen minutes he was in the bath. When the water got a little cool, Mac pulled the plug and helped Harm stand. Once he was out of the tub, Mac allowed him to dry himself before pulling back the covers on her bed and helping him lay face down in the middle of the bed.

"Comfortable?" she asked as he turned his head and settled it on Mac's pillow.

"Very," he replied, a sense of calm washing over him.

"Okay," she said. "Now, I'm going to start massaging your hip and leg first. You tell me if it's too much."

"I will," he replied. "Just promise me that if I fall asleep you'll be here when I wake up."

"Promise," she replied, leaning down and kissing his head.

Using her jasmine infused relaxation massage oil; Mac poured some on her hands before rubbing them together. Gently she laid her hands on his left hip before rubbing gently, not surprised to find the area tight and knotted.

"You must be in a lot of pain," she said quietly as she kneaded the area.

"Some," he conceded with a wince.

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" she asked her fingers continuing to manipulate the area.

"Thought it would pass," he said grimacing in pain.

"Okay," she said, pausing for a minute. "I'm just going to get some water."

Nodding, Harm concentrated on breathing deeply while Mac had gone to the kitchen trying to keep his mind off her absence, his pain not registering.

"Honey, roll onto your side and take these for me," she said, opening his container of strong pain killers."I know the massage will help but I don't want it to cause more problems."

Despite his reluctance to take medications in general, Harm agreed and took the pills she was offering before putting them in his mouth. Taking the water bottle she also had, Harm took a mouthful and swallowed them before settling back on his stomach.

Moving around the bed, Mac put more oil onto her hands before focusing on Harm's neck and shoulders. Between her actions and the effects of his medication, Mac could feel him relax and his pain induced moans and groans shift to contented sighs. By the time Mac had finished, Harm was sound asleep, so she carefully raised the bed clothes and covered him before kissing his head.

Knowing he would become distressed if he awoke alone, Mac picked up the mail she collected upon their arrival from the bureau in the living room before sitting in the armchair alongside the bed.

Reading through the various items, she placed them on the side table before leafing through the catalogues. Finding nothing she seriously considered buying, Mac placed the catalogues on top of the bills and other items before sitting back in the chair and resting her legs on the bed, her eyes fixed on Harm.

When her cell buzzed, Mac was surprised to find she'd actually been asleep for nearly two hours and it was 1800. The caller was Trish who was working out the dinner arrangements. When Mac explained that Harm was sleeping soundly, she decided that she'd deliver their meals and not wake him.

Within the hour, Frank and Trish were knocking at Mac's door and she quietly slipped out of the bedroom to open it for them. With Harm remaining undisturbed, Frank insisted Mac sit at the dining table to eat her dinner while he sat in with Harm, promising he would call her if there was any indication Harm was waking.

Enjoying the chance for some conversation, and Trish's amazing seafood marinara, Mac settled at the table while Trish served up her dinner.

"He hasn't slept this soundly since he's been home," Mac observed as Trish sat alongside her with a cup of coffee.

"Did he overdo it today, do you think?" Trish asked, looking at Mac.

"He did more than usual," she commented. "But I think it's more a combination of the painkillers he took, along with the massage and lack of sleep which did it."

"Are you going to wake him?" she asked, hoping the answer was no.

"No," Mac replied. "I figured I'd let him sleep as long as possible. I'm hoping it might benefit his mental wellbeing along with the physical."

"Sounds like a good idea," she said. "I look at him at times and he doesn't seem to be much better than he was in Germany...even physically."

"I think that may be because in the ten days he's been home we've focused on the brain injury and not his leg injury," she said, picking up her glass of water.

"I brought over a change of clothes for him to go to his appointments tomorrow," Trish said, gesturing towards the bag next to the sofa.

"Thanks," Mac replied. "It will make it easier not to have to rush around in the morning."

There was a pause in conversation which Mac didn't really notice before she glanced at her companion and realised Trish was struggling with something.

"I won't say anything to Harm, but, sweetheart, I do have to ask you..." Trish began slowly before stopping completely.

"Ask me what?" she asked, putting her fork down.

"I know your relationship with Harm hasn't always been easy,' she began, taking Mac's hand. "I mean the way he spoke about you over the years I would have expected you two to be a long time married by now. Instead, you are in a brand new relationship which was interrupted by his relocation to Germany, and now the accident."

Mac nodded, still waiting for the question; it didn't come. "What is the question, Trish?"

"Harm's recovery is going to be slow and long term," she said, tears forming in her eyes. "And he's so dependent on you. I guess I just need to ask if you are willing or wanting or..."

"Trish," Mac interrupted, squeezing the older woman's hand. "I am in this for the long haul. I will be there for Harm, for whatever he needs, for the rest of my life. I know it's not the ideal way to start a relationship but I have been in love with Harm for many years and I know he has been in love with me for a long time too, so it's not a new thing."

"Are you sure?" she checked, using her free hand to wipe away her tears.

"Absolutely positive," she replied with a smile before embracing Trish.

"That is such a relief," Trish cried, hugging her tightly. "I mean, I am prepared to stay with him until he can manage on his own and Frank and I can organise whatever he needs, financially, but ... but..."

"He's dependent on me at the moment and, while you staying with him is an option, it still may not be conducive to his recovery," Mac finished for her and Trish nodded.

"I know you have six weeks leave," Trish said wiping her eyes. "After that, we can come back and be with him while you're at work."

Mac shook her head. "You are more than welcome to stay as long as you need or to come back whenever you can," she said, taking Trish's hand once more. "But I have a significant amount of leave owed and I'm prepared to take as much as I need to be with Harm through this."

Mac had not long finished her dinner before Frank emerged from the bedroom.

"Harm's starting to stir, Mac," he said apologetically.

"Thanks," she replied, getting to her feet and picking up her plate. "Dinner was wonderful, thanks, Trish."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," she replied before taking the crockery off her. "You go be with Harm. I'll tidy up."

Mumbling and moving when Mac first entered the room, Harm quickly settled down after she sat alongside him and rubbed his back.

"You're okay," she whispered and Harm responded by turning his head to be facing her, even though he didn't wake.

In fact, when Harm finally opened his eyes and managed to focus on the green neon numbers coming from the clock, it was 3:27. Still lying on his stomach, he realised he'd been in the same position for nearly 12 hours. Knowing Mac was sleeping alongside him, Harm tried to turn towards her only to realise his body wasn't cooperating. For a while he waited, trying a few times to move himself before he realised his need for the bathroom was pressing and he didn't want another accident, especially in Mac's bed.

"Mac, gorgeous," he called, moving his arm to touch hers. "Mac?"

"Hey," she said sleepily. "How are you doing?"

"I'm having trouble getting up and I need the bathroom," he said and watched as Mac climbed out of bed and came around to his side.

"What's the problem?" she asked, pulling back the covers.

"Not sure," he admitted. "Think I was in the one position too long and my hip has seized."

"Okay," she replied, before bending his right leg up and pushing him onto his left side.

"Ow," he grimaced as the pressure increased on his injury sites.

"Sorry, sorry," she said quickly before rolling him further onto his back. "You okay?"

"Just feel stupid I can't even get myself out of bed," he said shaking his head.

"I'm going to move your legs around, can you push yourself up?" she asked and waited for him to nod before moving.

It took a few minutes but Harm was finally on his feet, a little unsteady but standing nonetheless. Mac helped him into the bathroom and made sure he was okay before she returned to the bedroom. When Harm emerged a few minutes later, she smiled at the look of achievement on his face.

"Hey," she said, standing and wrapping her arms around him. "You must be hungry. Let me get you something to eat."

Harm nodded before slipping on Mac's robe and following her to the kitchen, still limping slightly. Shaking his head when Mac pulled out a chair for him, Harm explained that he needed to stand for a bit and stretch.

"You have your choice of dinner or breakfast," she said opening the fridge. "Seafood marinara that your mom made last night, which I might say was delicious, or I could do scrambled eggs on toast for you."

"When did you have the marinara?" he asked, leaning on the bench near her.

"Last night," she said. "She made it at your place then brought it over when I realised we'd be sleeping here tonight."

"I slept for a long time," he commented, watching her every move.

"You did," Mac agreed. "About 12 hours."

"That's the longest I've slept ever, I think," he said before stretching once more.

"What do you think was different this time?" she asked as she put his food in the microwave.

"Don't know," he said shaking his head. "Maybe did more yesterday than I have in a while. Maybe the analgesics...the massage...I don't know."

"Me either," she said looping her arms around his neck. "I'm just happy to see you sleeping so peacefully for a change."

"You haven't had much sleep either since I've been back," he said, resting his forehead on hers. "Sorry."

"I had seven hours last night, so I'm just fine," she said before kissing him.

After Harm had eaten, they settled into bed once more and were afforded a few more hours sleep before the alarm went for the day.

Returning to Harm's after a morning of appointments, Mac knew he was in a bad mood. While she didn't know what exactly had caused it, she was treading carefully. Harm didn't want to have lunch out, he didn't want lunch when they returned, so Mac didn't argue. She simply prepared a sandwich for herself and sat at the counter with it and a cup of coffee. Harm didn't comment but one look at his face and she knew he wasn't impressed. Still, she said nothing.

After she had finished and cleaned up, she asked Harm what his plans were for the afternoon and he gruffly replied "Nothing."

"In that case," she said. "I'm going to take a nap."

Turning, she headed to his bedroom without waiting for a reply. It wasn't that she was tired; she doubted that she'd even sleep but she figured Harm would either crawl in with her and perhaps they would talk, or alternatively he's stay in the living room and she would have some space from whatever was frustrating him at the moment.

Curled under the covers, it was only minutes before Mac realised she was being watched and another five before the bed sank behind her and an arm slipped around her.

"Hey," she whispered as he settled his head on her pillow.

"Hey," he replied, pulling her closer.

Then there was silence.

It was ten minutes before Harm spoke.

"Sorry," he said before kissing the back of her head.

"What for?" she asked, entwining her fingers through his as they rested on her abdomen.

"My mood," he said with a sigh.

"Want to tell me about it?" she asked trying to roll over but Harm kept her in place. He wanted to tell her but really didn't want to look at her while he did. "Harm?" she said reaching behind her and caressing his face. "Please let me look at you."

Reluctantly he agreed and Mac tried to keep her expression neutral at the look of desolation on his face. "Talk to me," she whispered; her hand on his face, her thumb swiping over his cheek.

"I'm feeling really...I don't know the word for it," he admitted, his eyes darting away from hers. "Lost maybe...frustrated...scared...alone..."

"You're not alone, I'm right here," she said before leaning in and kissing him.

"I know," he replied. "Physically, I know I'm not alone...just in here..." he pointed to his head, "I feel like ...maybe alone is not the word."

"What happened in your appointments this morning?" she asked, knowing whatever it was must have triggered his mood.

"In Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, I was telling Allan that I keep forgetting things...you know, like sometimes I'm in the shower and forget what I have done or supposed to do next," he admitted and Mac nodded, not that she knew this but because she didn't know what else to say. "And he said it's normal with this sort of injury and there are probably lots of things I may have to relearn."

"I'll help you with that," she said caressing his face.

"But I shouldn't need help," he growled softly. "I should be able to shower without a schedule."

"A schedule?" she questioned.

"Yeah, Allan gave me a schedule of each activity I need to do in the shower so I can follow it," he said. "I feel so stupid for needing it."

"Honey," she said gently. "It's just like physical therapy for your leg and hip ... you don't have to like it but the end result will be everything back to normal."

"And what about the fact I still can't seem to breathe if you're not around?" he questioned tearfully.

"What did the counsellor say about that?" she asked edging closer to him.

"Joan said it would take time but she, along with the others on my medical team, believe that I should make a full recovery," he said closing his eyes.

"Well, that's good news," she said caressing his face.

"You think?" he questioned, looking at her.

"Definitely," she replied. "Isn't that what we're after, a full recovery?"

"Yeah but what about a full recovery that may take a couple of years?" he questioned as tears dripped onto the pillow. "I can't expect you to hang around waiting for me to get better and I can't expect you to be here as a nursemaid and I can't expect..."

Mac pressed a finger to his lips to silence him. "You can expect me to be here and to love you for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, forever and ever," she said tearfully.

"They're marriage vows," he whispered.

"We both know that's the way this relationship is headed," she said, kissing him briefly. "Nothing has changed that."

"But you didn't sign on for a life with a frustrated, dependant, emotional wreck," he said ducking his head.

"I know you feel that way about yourself at the moment," she said, "And there's not a lot I can do to change that right now. You have to know though, that I still see the man I fell in love with a long time ago. Yes, there are challenges in the way but I will do anything to get that full recovery for you. You just have to promise to work hard for it too."

"I will," he replied before taking a deep breath. "God, I love you so much...thank you."

"I love you too," she said before kissing him deeply then holding him tightly until sleep claimed them both.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: All the usual disclaimers.

Part 5/5

The road to recovery was full of challenges which had to be negotiated carefully. More than once there was a boil over of emotions which seemed to set things back a bit, and it wasn't always Harm. Five weeks after Harm returned home and nearly two weeks after his parents went home, he and Mac had a very loud, volatile argument which saw Mac walk out of the loft and go home. The argument had started over nothing and escalated from there.

She had been at her apartment for fifty five minutes before she heard a faint knock on the door. Looking out the peephole, she was surprised to find Harm standing there. It was the first time he'd left his apartment without her.

"Come on in," she said, opening the door for him.

Shuffling in, Harm shoved his hands in his pockets and looked everywhere but at Mac. "How much do you hate me?" he asked nervously.

"I don't hate you at all," Mac said, stepping up to Harm. Her concern for him outweighing their earlier differences.

"You must," he said, glancing at her. "You left me."

"I left you at your loft to come home," she clarified, linking her hands around his waist.

"But you left me," he restated, his hands tentatively resting on her hips.

"What do you think happened this morning?" she asked, not sure whether they had the same understanding of events.

"You said you'd had enough and wanted to go home and you left me," he said as tears ran down his cheeks.

"No," she said tearfully. "I said I wanted to come home to get some things as I had had enough of not having a lot to do at your place."

Harm stared at her as he tried to process her words and determine if that is what had happened.

"But you said you wanted to go home...we were already home," he said trying to work through the fog in his brain.

"You were home, honey," she said gently. "This is still my home...my things are here..."

"But no..." he said shaking his head. "You can't live where I'm not."

"I wasn't planning on staying here," she said. "I did say I wanted to collect some things to keep me busy."

"Oh," he said shaking his head. "I sort of lost track when you said you were going home. Didn't really get the rest of it."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten so angry," she said caressing his face. "It's just I had explained it a few different ways and I guess I was just frustrated..."

"I can understand that," he said, resting his forehead on hers. "I'm frustrated with me all the time. I'm surprised you've put up with me this long."

"I love you, Harm," she said kissing him gently. "I will put up with you forever. I just figured if I didn't leave your place when I did then it would escalate into something serious."

"I thought you left because it was something serious," he said, holding her tighter.

Mac just shook her head; after trying at least a dozen different ways, she was at a loss to make him understand that all she was saying that morning was she needed a few items from home. With Harm sleeping more and disinterested in doing much when he was awake, and with his parents having gone home, Mac had found herself at a loose end often during the day and Harm's aviation books and guitar just weren't for her.

Wrapped safely in her arms and beginning to comprehend that nothing had actually changed between them, Harm yawned once, then twice. Pulling back, Mac caressed his face.

"Sorry," he apologised, "I guess this morning's taken more out of me than I thought."

Mac nodded; emotional exhaustion was often more tiring than physical exhaustion. "Why don't you take a nap?" she said, pointing to her bedroom.

Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah, thanks," he said a little reluctantly.

"Do you want me to settle you in?" she asked but he shook his head.

"No, I can do this," he said before kissing her briefly and heading for the bedroom.

In the time he'd been home, Harm had grown in confidence and competence in doing tasks he once took for granted. With the assistance of the staff at Bethesda, particularly Allan, he'd been working on breaking down simple tasks and doing them in sequence and Harm had found this helpful. One of the first sequence charts Allan had devised was a bedtime preparation one as Harm was very anxious about not wetting the bed again. Every time he was at home, be it bedtime or a nap, he had followed the chart before folding it and hiding it in a drawer, not wanting Mac to see it. This time he had to do it without the chart, in a new environment and with the loss of confidence the morning had induced.

Not wanting Mac to think he needed help, or to be any more trouble, he entered the bedroom and closed the door before trying to sequence things in his head. First, he needed to remove his shoes, which he did. Then he was supposed to remove his sweater and put it in his drawer. There came the obstacle. While he could take his sweater off there was no drawer to put it in. For five minutes he stood trying to work out what he was supposed to do and eventually he just put his sweater back on. Remembering that he needed to use the bathroom, before he got into bed, he did so before returning to the bedroom and looking at the bed.

While he went with the minimalist approach to bedroom furnishings, Mac's bed was adorned with a range of pillows and cushions of different sizes. This wasn't mentioned in his sequencing chart. It took a few minutes for him to decide to move them over to Mac's side and then, not wanting to disturb them, he lay on top of the covers rigidly rather than getting underneath them.

As she always did when Harm was trying to do something on his own, Mac gave him exactly fifteen minutes. It was long enough for him to have tried and accomplished the task and not too long that he would be distressed out of frustration for his lack of success, if it went that way.

"Hey," she whispered as she opened the door and saw him looking very uncomfortable. "I figured you had the right idea. Mind if I join you?" she asked, although that wasn't her original plan.

"That would be good," he said sitting up.

"Great," she replied with excess enthusiasm before she began to strip off. "I prefer to sleep in my underwear for naps," she said taking off her top then jeans. "I always leave them on the chair," she said as she draped them over the back of the chair, hoping he wouldn't realise she trying to teach him what to do. "There's plenty of room for your clothes if you want to leave them here too."

"Oh, that sounds good," he said standing up and rounding the bed before stripping off and leaving his clothes with Mac's. She smiled sadly when he did, she couldn't help remember the first time he'd stripped off in this room; he hadn't given a second thought about his clothes. That time, he had stripped naked quickly and discarded his clothes randomly; so randomly, they found his boxers the next day, after a long search, on top of her wardrobe.

"And all these cushions," she said, continuing to narrate her actions aloud. "Need to be put over here," she said tossing them into the corner. "I know I don't need this many but they look pretty."

Pulling back the covers, Mac slid into her side while watching Harm return to his side of the bed.

"All set?" she asked and Harm looked around the room before glancing at the bathroom.

"Yeah, I think I am," he said, sliding in beside her and settling next to her.

Snuggling into him, Mac ran her arm around his waist before rubbing his back. "If you sleep longer than me," she said knowing she probably wouldn't sleep at all, "I'll just be in the living room organising a few things."

"Like what?" he asked, needing to know what she would be doing if he couldn't see her.

"Sorting some bills, some catalogues," she said looking up at him."Choosing some books and DVDs to take back to your place...that sort of thing. Is that okay?"

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "That's okay."

With Mac's tender caresses and with her warm body next to his, Harm drifted off quickly. Half an hour later, when he was relaxed enough, Mac slipped out of the bed and arranged her pillows in his arms before going into the living room.

It was midafternoon before Harm emerged from the bedroom still in his underwear and scratching his chest. Caught up with some archaeological artefacts, Mac didn't hear the door open and Harm took the opportunity to watch her. She seemed happy sitting at the table studying some bones. It was then what she had been saying earlier finally sunk in. She just wanted things from home...something that was hers, for her to do for herself. Everything in the last month had been about him and he just wasn't aware of it.

Clearing his throat to gain her attention, Harm moved over to the table and sat alongside her.

"Having fun?" he asked tentatively touching her arm.

"Yep," she said with a genuine smile. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did, thanks," he said kissing her head. "I also did some thinking," he continued, although the truth was he had only started thinking from the time he opened the door and saw her.

"And what did you think about?" she asked, turning to face him.

"I was thinking, that if it's alright with you, that maybe we go to the cafe on the next block for lunch," he said before pausing.

"That sounds nice," she said patting his arm, it was his first suggestion of going out since he'd returned.

"And then I thought that maybe we could spend some time here too," he said nervously. "Like maybe two nights here and two nights at my place."

"Are you sure?" she asked loving the idea. "You were just getting comfortable at your place."

"It may take a little adjusting," he admitted honestly, "But I want you to be happy too."

"I am happy with you at your place," she said taking his hand.

"I know you are saying that," he said haltingly. "But everything there is mine...your stuff is here. You need to be around your stuff too."

"Well, we can try it and see how it goes," she said standing up. "Thank you," she added kissing his cheek.

Ready to go to lunch, Harm and Mac stepped out of her building and she spied his car.

"Did you drive here?" she asked surprised.

"I tried to get a cab but none stopped, so I went and got my car," he said, glad Frank had taken it for a service and a long drive during his stay.

"Honey," she said gently, pulling him into an embrace, "You're not allowed to drive yet."

"I know," he agreed. "But I couldn't get a cab and I couldn't be away from you and you'd left and ..."

Mac stroked his head. "Sorry," she apologised.

"I sat in the car forever trying to get the nerve to start it," he said quietly. "Then I drove over with my hazard lights blinking hoping others would think I had mechanical rather mental issues."

"But you made it here, on your own, that's a positive thing," she said stroking his head once more.

"Yeah, but I don't think I'm ready to drive yet," he admitted. "It freaked me out."

"You've had a really rough day, haven't you?" she said quietly and watched as he nodded. "Well, let me feed you and see if the day improves from here."

Lunch showed that Harm really had taken a step back in his recovery that morning. When he first returned home, he was dependent on Mac to decide and organise what he was going to eat. That improved to the point he was able to talk about what he wanted to have, so long as Mac ordered it, and finally in the past week, he was able to order for himself. Sitting at the cafe and looking at the menu Harm was unsure once more. Twice, Mac waved the waitress away asking for a little more time.

"I'm going to have a toasted ham and cheese focaccia, with chips and a pickle and a double chocolate shake," she said placing her menu back on the table.

"Aha," he said still scanning his menu. "What am I having?"

"The last time we were here, you had the roasted vegetable focaccia with lemon iced tea," she said and watched as he closed his menu.

"Did I like it?" he asked, not quite remembering the meal.

"You said you loved it," she replied and he nodded.

"In that case, can you order it for me again?" he asked and, when she nodded, he took out a small notebook from his back pocket and wrote down the order in case he needed it another time.

Over the next week they settled into their new routine of alternating apartments and then attended Bethesda for Harm's appointments. As he saw his different therapists, Mac sat in the cafeteria with a book and a coffee trying to while away the time.

Looking up at one stage, she saw Commander Johnstone passing by and smiled at him.

"Hello, Mac," he said walking towards her. "Mind if I join you for a bit?"

"Go ahead," she said, gesturing to the spare chairs at her table.

"How have things been this week?" he asked, even though he was seeing them both in an hour.

She told him the truth and he nodded. "He definitely isn't ready to be driving."

"I know," she agreed. "And I don't think he will try it again."

"Do you know if he's concerned about anything at the moment?" he questioned before sipping his coffee.

"Nothing specific," she said, 'Why?"

Knowing he had the authority to talk to and discuss matters with Mac with Harm's consent, Commander Johnstone looked around.

"Commander Allan Teasdale phone me after he saw Harm earlier and indicated that he seemed more distressed than usual," he said quietly.

"Did he say why?" she asked, closing her book.

"Allan believes it has something to do with sex," he informed her. "He said Harm had said a couple of things but when he tried to clarify the matter Harm shut down altogether."

"Harm and I haven't had sex since I visited him in Germany before his accident," Mac said. "When he returned he was told, by you, not to do anything physical or strenuous, so we haven't even tried."

"I told Harm two weeks ago that, as long as he felt up to it, you could resume a physical relationship," the doctor said.

"Harm didn't mention it," she said, although now that the doctor had mentioned it, a couple of things made more sense.

"Now, I can bring this up in our appointment," Commander Johnstone said. "If you think it will help,"

"No," Mac replied. "Unless Harm raises it, let it go for this week and I'll ...well, I was going to say I'll work on it at home, but that sounds bad."

Commander Johnstone laughed as he stood up. "I know what you mean. I'll see you in the clinic soon."

Harm never mentioned sex in his appointment with Commander Johnstone so the matter was not raised. It was a few nights later at his loft when Mac decided the time was right to see what Harm's thinking on the matter was. Knowing he wouldn't like a tabled discussion on it, she figured bedtime was a more natural approach.

"Harm," she said as they stood in his bedroom. "I might have a shower before bed. Is that okay?"

"Sure," he replied as he undressed.

"Would you like to join me?" she asked and watched as he looked up confused.

"No, I've had a shower today," he said before continuing to undress.

Realising she had no alternative now than to take an unneeded shower, Mac did so briefly before drying off and putting her robe on. Coming back into the bedroom, she wasn't surprised to find Harm sitting up in bed waiting for her.

"If it's alright with you," she began as she sat facing him on his side of the bed. "I'm going to sleep naked tonight."

Harm nodded slowly before asking "Why?"

"Because it's been a long time since I was naked in bed with you and I miss it," she said standing up and rounding the bed.

"Do you want me to be naked too?" he asked and Mac nodded.

"That would be nice but it is up to you," she said disrobing.

Climbing out of bed, Harm stripped off before getting back in next to Mac.

"Now," Mac said, lying on her side propped up on an elbow. "I know that when we've been in bed naked before it been because of sex but, just so you know, that's not what this is about, okay?"

"Okay," he said slowly. "What is it about?" he added as an afterthought.

"This," she said, reaching out and touching his bare chest. "Is about getting reacquainted. Remember when you were home a couple of days and we made out on the sofa? This is the next step."

"But no sex?" he questioned and Mac wasn't sure whether he was happy or disappointed about it.

"We can have sex now," she said with a nod. "We can have it whenever you feel you're ready, whenever that is." She caressed his face.

"I want to have sex with you," he said slowly as he considered each and every word. "I even tried to bring it up with Allan but, in the end, I couldn't."

"Why couldn't you?" she asked as her hand ran over his chest.

"Well, because he's been giving me sequencing charts to help me get things in order," he said gesturing with his hand. "And I felt really uncomfortable telling him things."

"I can understand that," she said gently.

"I didn't want to reduce what we did to a series of dot points," he continued. 'It just seemed wrong."

"Do you want us to work on this together?" she asked, her arm wrapped around his waist.

He nodded. "I am so embarrassed I need help like this," he said dropping his head. "With you it was always so natural, so perfect."

"And it will be again, honey," she said, kissing his head. "Because you are very skilled and very talented..."

"What if I'm not anymore?" he said, asking the question that had been eating at him since he was given the all clear to resume a physical relationship with Mac.

"From what I have seen, Harm," she said, drawing his face to hers, "Is that your brain injury has impeded your ability to sequence things, not your skill. Isn't that right?"

Slowly, he nodded. "I guess," he agreed. "Like I was unsure about what I had to do with the car to get to your place but in the end I still drove it safely enough."

"That's right," she said with a smile.

"So, if we have sex, will you tell me what to do?" he asked and Mac shook her head.

"I think we talk about what we like and what we want to do," she said, her hand roaming over his chest once more. "Unlike the other activities you and Allan have done sequence charts for, having sex is usually a spontaneous, natural thing that you do. There are hundreds of different ways to do it."

"I don't think I can cope with a hundred different ways at the moment," he said seriously. "Maybe we can just work through the basics without all the extras and build on it from there."

"That sounds like a plan," Mac said with a grin.

"And I want to apologise and thank you in advance," he said, his cheeks flushing with colour.

"What for?" she asked, her fingers running into his hair.

"Apologise because this isn't going to be all that good and thank you for wanting to help me do this," he said tearfully.

"You don't need to apologise or thank me," she said kissing him briefly. "Yes, I want to help you but don't forget, I want this too...we are doing it for us."

"You know, when we were doing it we only ever called it making love, now it's sex," he said, shaking his head.

"Just think of sex being about the mechanics," she said, kissing his nose. "Once you're comfortable with those and want to do more than the basics, or without discussing things first, we can make love."

"I guess it's like learning to fly," he said. "Putting in all the hours training and with a flight instructor before you can take control of the aircraft yourself."

"That's right," she agreed, accepting his analogy. "And like flying, it takes more than a session or two before you are a qualified pilot. So you can't give up after one or two sessions with me...it will take time."

Harm nodded. "So, what do we do now?" he asked, still very aware she was naked in his arms.

"Now," she said, kissing him lightly. "I think we start with just touching each other. You can touch me anyway you like...just to get reacquainted. There is nothing that's right or wrong."

"How will I know I'm doing it right?" he questioned.

"Well, I know that when I touch you like this..." She ran her hand down his chest to his lower abdomen, he groaned involuntarily. "That you make that sound and you like it."

"Okay," he said before resting his hand on her shoulder. "I'll try."

"Just take a breath," she said at his earnest expression. "Just relax and do whatever you feel like."

It took a few minutes before Harm moved his hand to her hip and slowly rubbed it along her side. His hand soon moved to her back and ran along her spine, gradually it drifted to her butt and Mac didn't miss his grin when she moaned softly.

Over the next while, in the near darkness of the bedroom, Harm continued to explore Mac's body, checking in with her every now and then that she was okay and he was doing it right. When he did, Mac prompted him to try more than just touching and soon he was doing things to her body that she had been desperately missing. Though his actions were often hesitant, showed no real order and often moved on before Mac was ready, the fact was he was touching, kissing, licking, nipping at her and she wasn't objecting in the least.

Lying on her back to give Harm full access to whatever he wanted, Mac allowed herself to relax and was quite content to drift off to sleep to his gentle caresses when she realised he had stopped. Opening her eyes, she saw him over her looking very nervous and indecisive.

"What's wrong?" she asked, reaching up and caressing his face.

"Can this be about sex?" he asked quietly.

"Of course it can," she said, surprised he had suggested it.

"Because I want to...and I'm ready..." he said before taking a deep breath.

"Then we'll take it slowly and have sex," she said, running her hand behind his neck.

"Do you think..." he started before stopping.

"Do I think what?" Mac asked, holding him in place.

"Do you think you could take the lead...be on top?" he said, mentally fatigued from his recent learning experience.

"I could do that," she said, moving with him as he rolled onto his side of the bed.

Soon she was on her hands and knees over him. "You tell me if you want to stop at anytime, okay?"

"I will," he said, not sure that he'd be capable of doing so once they were having sex.

"Do you want me to tell you what I'm doing?" she asked before she started. "Or do you just want to feel?"

"Feel," he said, not sure how much more information he could take in.

"Okay," she said before leaning down and kissing him. "I love you very much," she whispered before kissing him once more.

With great care and with her eyes never leaving Harm's face, Mac lowered herself onto him and rested while she waited for them both to adapt to their first joining in nearly four months. Locking her hands with his beside his head, Mac moved slowly and rhythmically, taking the opportunity every now and then to dip down and kiss him.

Ignoring all her urges, Mac concentrated on Harm and what he was doing and watched for any indication he was distressed or not enjoying it – it never came. Knowing neither of them required this to be a long session, Mac picked up the speed. When she spied a familiar look on his face, Mac added a few extra gyrations and Harm moaned before he reached his peak and exploded into her. For a while longer, Mac continued in her actions until Harm stopped panting and his eyes opened once more. Then, she slumped onto him and kissed him deeply.

"Okay?" she asked as she caressed his face.

"It was amazing," he said as they rolled onto their sides. "Wasn't it?"

"I thought so," Mac said with a grin. "I've missed you so much."

"Missed you too. I love you," he said sleepily. "I did alright, didn't I?" he then questioned, trying to keep his eyes open.

"You were perfect," she said before stroking his face and watching sleep claim him.

When she was sure he was asleep, Mac curled into him and gave way to the tears she'd been fighting, quietly sobbing into the night. It wasn't about the sex, which wasn't anything spectacular, it was a combination of everything which had happened. From the time Harm had been sent to Germany, Mac had a nagging feeling the absence would prove fatal to their new relationship. Then the accident had nearly taken his life and she'd never really let herself think of how she'd have coped if the worst had happened. Then it was about Harm and his ongoing recovery and the thoughts and worries about whether his brain injury was permanent or what it meant, even if it was temporary, to his career, his passion for flying, his passion for her.

Now, after their encounter, she allowed herself to feel, to accept that things were improving. That while there was still a lot of work to do that they would be okay.

"I wasn't that bad, was I?" Harm asked surprising her.

"You weren't bad at all," Mac said, wiping her face.

"Then why are you crying?" he asked, reaching back to turn the lamp on.

"I'm crying because I am happy," she said pressing into him.

"Because we had sex?" he asked, not too clear on things.

"Yes, but mainly because you're home," she said kissing him.

"Mac, I've been home for more than a month," he said with a shake of his head.

"I know," she said. "How about we go to sleep now and talk about it in the morning?"

"Promise?" he asked preferring that option.

"Promise," she agreed.

"Good," he said kissing her head. "Because I love you and want you to be happy and to be with me forever."

"I love you too, I am and I will be," she whispered as he drifted off once more.

As Harm slumbered again, Mac let her mind wander to all that had transpired. Yes, it was true, there were still a lot of appointments and therapy and adjustments to be made in the coming months. Yes, it was true, there would be days of progress as well as those of frustration and setbacks. Yes, it was true, there was still an element of the unknown about the future. But as Mac drifted off to sleep she was happy with the knowledge that mind, body and soul, Harm was coming home to her and she couldn't have asked for more.


End file.
